Someone You Really Love // A Damon Albarn Romance

25 - Bite the Bullet

Maryanne's POV

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Management called about an invite to the NME awards at which Blur were nominated for an award and there would be plenty of people from the Britpop scene there...Elastica too which was one of the bands that was reeled off and at that I inwardly thought 'FUCK'.
That would mean Justine would be there, as if I felt terrible enough...

A few weeks ago this news would have made me want to take to some of my preferred 'calming methods', but now with a mini Albarn on the way I have had to stop all that right off the bat.

There was no need to speak to Damon about this as a wash of guilt came over me, I know he is under a lot of pressure anyway so I don't want to feel like I'm lying more burdens on him, that wouldn't be fair. I had to just trust in the process and go with the flow - take each moment as it comes. Stress would not be healthy for myself and in turn for the baby.

I've never been close to my parents so can't turn to them due to a turbulent childhood, I never want my child to experience the nonsense that I went through...parents that were too wrapped up in their own shit to see how much it was affecting me. Being an only child made me feel alone and toughened me up in supporting myself and learning from them what not to do with my own family in future.

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror I made a mental plan of things to do: make an appointment with my doctor to discuss the pregnancy and what to do next, get reading on childbirth and mothers advice websites which would be so useful in gaining all the knowledge I needed, finish any musical projects I'd had on the side, meet Saffron and of course the number one point being finishing this tour. I'm loving every moment of it so far. Grateful for the company of the guys, being with Damon and performing shows for the most passionate fans I've never seen.

I love the Blur guys, granted unlike with Damon (obviously) I don't feel I've fully been able to gel with Alex, Dave and Graham...I suppose because any spare time I had was with Damon and the rest of them would be doing their own thing during days off. You know what? I'll invite them all over for a dinner soon once tour has ended that way we can hopefully bond more.

Right, enough worrying, time to get ready for the party.

I was kinda dreading seeing Justine but it is what it is at the moment and just try carry on normal as possible. A car was coming to pick me up and we headed to the Langham Hotel which was pretty damn swanky for an NME Awards event.

Taking the biggest breath I got out of the car and was attacked by camera flashes, and lots of cameramen shouting and fans at a barrier as well. Baring in mind this is the first time I've been present at this type of function actually completely sober. This was a new me now, I had to look after the little one. Forcing on a smile but trying to pull it off as natural as I could, I posed and thanked everyone and signed some autographs before walking in along the red carpet.

I was checking in my jacket at the coat room when there was an boom of cheers from outside and could hear lairy shouts , merry shouting with 'OI OI!' thrown in... "Damon! Justine!" The paps were calling them all wanting their photos. Oh christ, I better compose myself before they come in.

I stood up as Damon and Justine came bursting in through the doors, Damon was completely off his face with Justine laughing along at any slightest thing he did. "Heyyy Mare, you've met Justine before haven't you luv...", he said louder than necessary, like I'm right in front of you no need to shout. I was kinda shocked at the state he'd arrived in and Justine too actually. "Yes we have Maryanne what a pleasure to meet you again", and she laughed again shaking my hand. "We're just going to head in see what drinks there are", as he said this I looked down and saw Justine pass him a bag of harder looking substances, he'd blindly fumbled for it as we walked into a darker room and it dropped on the ground. I picked it up, Damon and Justine seemingly not noticing that it had been lost from their person.

I was about to tap him on the shoulder but decided to look closer at the bag and recognised it as heroine...HEROINE. my body went numb with shock in that instant. Never once since we'd met had there been any talk of this hard drug being used by Damon. I mean it was common knowledge Justine was a user but never did Damon even appear to be one to consume such a thing. I mean I can't talk as I'm no Saint either but I'm not sure, maybe I was hoping that after the baby news he'd want to start breaking ties with the usage especially as I now know Justine was a major influence in this department.

Putting it into my bag I went over and joined Justine and Damon at the table when there they were literally sucking each others faces off. Charming, I get that we have to keep our situation a secret for now and carry on as normal but this is taking the piss. I coughed and smiled sarcastically at Damon, "Could I please talk to you for a sec outside, it's impossible to hear in here...sorry Justine we won't be long just tour matters". "Sure," she sighed. Pulling Damon out by the toilets where we could hear ourselves think, Damon reached for my face about to kiss me on the lips when I whisper shouted "This dropped on the floor, what in the actual fuck are you doing with heroine? Please tell me it's hers", I looked at his face trying to read his expression that stank of guilt...

"It's mine Mare," he said casting his eyes downwards not making eye contact. "WHA- how? Why? You know with the baby coming I can't be around someone who is doing this. It was hard enough but necessary for me to stop and I can't do this if you're..."

Damon was about to reply but stopped short and his head snapped up looking right past me..

"Baby? BABY?" I spun around to see Justine walking towards us with pure anger in her eyes... "Damon please tell me this isn't true....I heard what was said, how fucking could you!!" He reached out to try reason with her but she lashed out and pushed him away.

"And YOU!" She pointed to me, you're lucky I've got an ounce of dignity cos I'd absolutely floor you right now..you slut!"

I was shaking all over, this was not how I envisioned events to turn out and said as calmly as I could, "I'm so sorry Justine, we wanted to tell you sooner but I can't do anymore than that..." I tried to reason, "Good luck to you", she laughed dismissively, then to Damon, "Don't you even think about coming near me Damon, Fuck you!" Justine raged casting one last look of pure disgust at us both and walking out of the entrance to a number of shocked staff who happened to overhear.

We both turned back to one another not knowing what to say...