Unfathomable Love

XIII

Morning came in California, Bea heard that Irene is on call.

'Okay, take care ha..'

It was her last words before she ended the call and with that, she can sense that it was Aiah.

"Mom.."

"Hi my sweetheart, good morning!"

Irene kissed her forehead, "Good morning too, who were you talking on the phone with? If you don't mind.." tanong ni Bea.

"Oh, it was Aiah. I should've not ended the call yet, sana nakapag-usap kayo.."

Bea remembered what she did kaya it made her uncomfortable, what if Aiah told Irene about it.

"Really? It's okay, next time nalang po.."

"Yeah. Let's go have breakfast?"

Bea smiled and agreed, they went directly to their dining room and settled themselves to eat.

After that, napagdesisyonan ng dalawa na manuod ng movie. It became their bonding since Bea really likes watching movies which made Irene interested with it more.

"How's your new school? Hindi ka naman ba nahihirapan dun?" Irene asked.

"No, okay lang po.. I actually love it there, the people are nice."

"Glad to hear it, anak.."

Hours passed, Irene told Bea that she will just get something in their room leaving her phone downstairs.

Aiah sent a message.

Without hesitation, Bea opened it.

'Hi mom! Uuwi na po ako, thank you for letting me stay here..'

Bea wondered what she was talking about, saan uuwi and where she currently stays.

Bea is sure that if Irene sees this tatawagan nanaman neto si Aiah that will last for hours kaya naman, again, she deleted it quickly.

And when she did, she wasn't aware that Irene had returned.

"Bey.. What was that?" tanong ni Irene, nakita niya ang lahat, how she opened her messages and how she deleted it.

Nagulat si Bea sa biglang pagsulpot ng ina, Irene gently get her phone from her.

"Bea.." tawag ni Irene, she can't believe na kayang gawin ni Bea 'yun.

"Sorry.. I'm sorry,"

"This isn't the first time, isn't it? Tell me,"

"No.."

"Bea, why? Please make me understand why anak, kasi with all people, I never expected na magagawa mo 'to.."

"Because Lindtsey didn't did this to you?"

"Pardon me but what?" Irene was surprised with the way she answered her.

"Mom, I used to understand.. Pero ngayon, hindi na. You want to know why I deleted that? Okay. I did it because I know na kapag nabasa mo 'yun, you'll talk with her for hours again as if wala ako dito.."

"That's not true, you are aware that with all the months we stayed her, we just returned our communication recently.."

"Yes, I am.. I am so aware, pero kahit walang communication, kahit hindi mo makausap, kahit hindi ka hinahanap, iniisip mo parin."

Bea's voice is starting to get loud.

"Though I know na you're trying your best to make me see that you don't care about her anymore, pero kapag hindi mo na ako kaharap, is it the same? No! Because never in your life that you pictured yourself without Aiah, yun ang totoo."

"Bea, you don't understand.."

"Oh yes I do, mom! I'm sorry for my inconsiderate behavior but I do understand it fully, that Aiah will forever be the daughter that you never had. The one that got away kasi dumating ako at nalaman niyo ang totoo. Pero I always know and ready myself na kapag papiliin ka saaming dalawa, you will surely choose Aiah.."

"That's not true! How I wish na sana ganon nalang kadaling kalimutan si Aiah. Sana hindi ganito kahirap and you're telling me that you always think about me choosing Aiah and hurt you? Well you're wrong because even if my heart forced me to stay, I chose to leave and be with you. Actually it wasn't just a choice, that was the right thing to do. And from the moment that I have to make one of the hardest decision in my life, it wasn't the mother that Aiah grew up to have, it was a mother who wants to have you in her life. I hurt Aiah when I chose you, considering na hindi ko kayang saktan 'yun, I did it because I know you deserve it and I know you need it and I wanted it, I wanted you in my life."

They stayed in California for almost a year now and this was the first time that Irene was able to say all the things that hurt her.

"But mommy, ako po yung nandito.. You chose me over her, pero sino po yung nasa isip niyo? Sino po yung palaging iniisip niyo? It's always Aiah. Yes, you didn't choose her, you are not with her pero sa puso't isip mo, siya pa rin. It's just your coping mechanism to stand a life without her.."

Irene shook her head confiding that it's not true, she wants to make Beatrice understand na hinding-hindi mawawala si Aiah sa puso niya because before her, there was Aiah who made her a mother, there was Aiah who first called her mommy, there was Aiah who made her happy.

"Bea.. I want you to please understand na si Lindtsey, hindi siya mawawala sa puso't isip ko.. She will always be a part of my life and she will forever be a daughter in my eyes, hindi magbabago 'yun, anak.. In my heart, I love both of you the same way.. But okay, I'll try to focus on you this time, if that's what you want and if that's what can make your heart happy.."

Irene hugged Beatrice tightly, hinalikan nito ang noo habang umiiyak.

How can she possibly forget Aiah?

Kaya ba niyang iwasan ang anak?

"Ako lang muna, mommy.. Hayaan mo po muna si Aiah, she'll be fine.."

Tumango si Irene kahit labag sa puso nito ang hinihingi ni Bea, she wiped her tears pero patuloy parin itong lumuluha.

"We'll stay here in California, you want to live here right? Just until you adjust with the situation.." sabi ni Irene.

I'm sorry that I can't keep my promise, Aiah.

I love you, baby..

'til then,

"Are you sure with it, mom?"

"Yes, anak.. I am,"

"Thank you, mom.."

"All for you, all for you.."

Irene tried to smile even if tears are still forming on her eyes. Irene hopes that she find it in her heart to let go of the connection she once had with Aiah, the moments that made her heart happy and contented.

However, she knows that the memory of Aiah will never leave her mind and heart totally, she'll just keep it in the deepest corner of her heart and soon regain it kapag okay na ang lahat, kapag nakabawi na siya kay Beatrice at kapag maintindihan na niya kung ano si Aiah sa buhay ni Irene.

Sana maintindihan mo, anak..

And with the time being, that's when Irene deleted all her ways to contact Aiah, she hid all the things that will make her remember about Aiah, she was the one who cut ties with her.

This time, it was not for her, not for Aiah, not for Greggy, but all for Bea and her belief that she should be more focused on her and not with anyone else.

Because if it was her way, she would never do that considering that if she remembered every moment she had with Aiah, makes her heart happy like she won a lottery.

Yet, she realized that this time, it's not about Aiah anymore. She needs to build a strong foundation of relationship with her biological daughter like she did with Lindtsey, not in the same way of showing love but to become a much more better version of a mom.

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