Royal Speed | Leclerc & Verstappen

7 | waving thoughts

-|- Monaco 2021 - summer break -|-

Pierre had a point, I had to admit that. But these last few weeks I simply couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't straight, that I was into men, romantically. Never ever had I felt something for a man but I also had never feelings for a woman.

Maybe though it was just me, I was the problem and I was the one who simply couldn't fall in love. Or maybe love was just a name for a construct, a pairing between a woman and a man who's goal it was to bring children into the world and hold together.

Maybe 'love' was what I had felt with some of the women I went on a date with, maybe that was it and I simply didn't realized it. Luckily these past few weeks my father didn't suggested women and sent me on some dinner with them.

I still believed that it was due to my trip to the Netherlands next month and their daughter, he probably saw that as his best chance of getting me a girlfriend. I somehow could understand him as he was getting older and had to look after the heritage.

He just wanted me to be happy, but I started questioning if I would ever find a woman I would be happy with. From what I had googled over the last weeks I also learned that happiness wasn't everything, sometimes it was just a confusing feeling, a tingle inside the stomach.

Something I had felt that one weekend back in May, the weekend of the Monaco formula one grand prix. Verstappens win and our little car ride, the moments burned into my mind like no others and I immediately got goosbumps when I thought back at it.

But it was a delusion, it was a weekend, one evening to be precise, and it would never happen again. Even though I had to admit that I started becoming a little fan of him, watching some of the races in the last few weeks.

Still, every time the camera zoomed on the handsome Dutchman I had to bit my bottom lip before I felt the heat rushing through my body and I looked away, trying to calm down and behave normal again as this was just childish.

One night where I had laid in my bed, once again thinking about him, looking through some pictures on goggle I couldn't hold back the urge to walk into our office and look his address up. I just needed to know how close he really was.

But the knowledge that he was just three streets away, probably laying in bed with his hair all messy, caused me a feeling of regret and I instantly felt weird. Weird for stalking him like that as my behavior was far from normal.

Luckily today would start my brothers little trip on which he had forced me to. It was nothing big, just a few days on our yacht with some friends, some of his friends, rich kids from Monaco and France.

Well, who wasn't rich in Monaco, probably everybody but these people weren't just rich, they were well-educated and simply closer to us then a normal person was, like Verstappen for example.

He could never be a friend of ours, he simply didn't fit, especially after from what I had seen on the internet. His behavior was sometimes really of and his anger was brutal once it came out. Still I had to admit that some of these moment were really looking messy yet hot.

But that then was the thought that cut me of and I quickly distracted myself as I couldn't think something like that. I was a guy and the only one I should call good looking or cute was my future wife and probably a princess, probably even the Dutch one, how ironic.