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Chapter 17

Word count: 6535

Another long one y'all. It wasn't intentional lol but I heard y'all like them long anyway so you're welcome lol ♥️
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"I was just trying to get back in here to look at this." I point to the pregnancy test.

"Oh! You took it? What's it say?" he asks

"I don't know yet. You scared the shit out of me when I was trying to pick it up."

He laughs and places his hands on my hips. "Well, let's see what it says."

I reach for the test again and I pick it up.

My stomach dropped. What? How? I mean I know how but we were completely prepared for this. I'm just shocked that I'm actually seeing it.

There it was, clear as day.

Not pregnant.

"Oh." Jey says, I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

I didn't say anything right away. I was trying to figure out my own feelings. I was happy with the results. I was actually very happy with the results, but why do I feel disappointed in a way? Did I want the baby? I don't know, but judging how I feel right now, maybe I did.

I feel Jey's hands tighten on my waist. "Baby, say something."

"I don't know what you want me to say." I break out of his hold and throw the test away.

"How do you feel about it?" He asks

"I don't know. How do you feel about it?" I lean on the counter, looking at him.

"I feel however you want me to feel." He says, cautiously. "I told you regardless if it was positive or negative that I wanted whatever you wanted. Now seeing actual results that you're not pregnant, I wanna know how you feel."

I just look at him. I know I was visibly upset because I could feel myself getting emotional over the situation. He looked me in my eyes and I saw that he was worried for me.

"Did you want me to be pregnant?" I ask

"I wanted whatever you wanted." He says

"No, Jey, answer me." I demand

"I told you I didn't mind if you wanted to have a baby. I told you I would give that to you because you wanted it. But the results show that you're not and I'm not gonna say I'm happy about it." He says, honestly. I know he's only trying to spare me. I know he's upset.

I took a deep breath and let it go. I didn't know where to start. Trying to put what I was feeling into words was hard.

"Why do I feel like I wanted this baby? Why do I feel sad?" I finally say.

"Maybe because you kept telling yourself that you didn't want a baby when you really did?"

"I—This is so fucked up." I shake my head.

"If you want a baby—."

"You'll give it to me. I know. I said regardless of the results that it was supposed to happen, so this wasn't supposed to happen. I guess we just move on and forget it's happened." I say with a shrug, but I was so emotional I was tearing up.   

He grabs me and pulls me into a hug.

"If shit is meant to be for us then it will happen. That's something I know. Ain't shit about what we got going on normal. We just not supposed to be pregnant right now. When all of this is figured out and we want it to happen, it will happen. Don't be sad about this. It just isn't our time, baby. It's not the right circumstances."