Back To You

Shame

Malakai Davis

I took a long drag of the joint I held in between my fingers. I let the high take over and relax my mind. I closed my eyes and held my face to the sky. I felt very peaceful, if I had any problems at the moment they weren't coming to mind.

Summer Walker played in my headphones and I swayed to the relaxing beat. The cool morning breeze swayed against my skin. I smiled to myself, knowing I should have been sleeping.

My thoughts had kept me up and this was the only way I knew how to calm them. Luckily I remembered to bring my weed to Jason's, just in case I needed something to calm my mind. The last thing I wanted was to break down in front of anyone.

I opened my eyes and blew smoke into the air. When the smoke cleared I saw a dark blue sky. There was a sliver of pink and orange across the horizon. I continued to smoke until my blunt was half-finished. By then I could barely remember what time it even was.

I extinguished, purged, and placed the blunt in a sealed ziplock bag. I added it to my nearly depleted stash, to save it for later. I didn't even know I was laying on the cold hard ground until Jason popped into my view.

"Mal, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Relaxing before school." I struggled to keep my eyes on him. The beauty of the sky was pretty distracting.

Jason laughed and shook his head. "You are unbelievable. Come in before you get a cold or something."

"The sky is really pretty." I groaned as I tried to sit up. I wasn't successful so Jason had to help me.

"It's five in the morning, you shouldn't even be seeing the sky." He grabbed my hand and led me back to his bedroom.

"It's five already? Cool." I nodded.

"Not cool, Malakai. Take off your clothes, you smell like weed." Jason closed his bedroom door behind him. I started taking off my socks.

"You're mad because I didn't share." I yawned as I lifted my shirt over my head. I fell on my ass and just laid on the floor.

"You never do," Jason mumbled. He helped pull me up. "Do you need help getting undressed? Would you like me to leave?"

"Help me please?" I asked. I'd been naked in front of Jason plenty of times and vice versa. We weren't really sexual with each other due to the fact that I wasn't into it. So I wasn't uncomfortable with getting undressed in front of him or really anyone else. I had a bad habit of stripping without gauging my audience.

Jason helped me pull down my pants and held me up while I kicked them off. "You're stumbling like an idiot."

"I'm just extremely tired." I shrugged. Jason helped me put on a nice T-shirt and sweatpants. They were a little bit on me but I didn't mind.

"I thought you said that the new girl was interested in me?" Jason asked as he pushed me into his bed.

I laughed. "Why would I say that?"

"I'm actually wondering the same thing." He huffed.

"There's no way the new girl likes you," I told him.

"Clearly. She's a lesbian." Jason said. "It was very humiliating when I asked her out. She laughed at me."

"That's not the worst thing to ever happen to you." I shrugged. "Plus I only told you that a girl likes you, I never said which one."

"I did a simple process of elimination and came up with Jamie," Jason said. "Malakai I want to know who likes me."

I yawned and closed my eyes. "Good night Jason."

"I think you mean good morning." He corrected.

"I'm going to sleep." It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

–

I stared at the sky, my eyes hopping from cloud to cloud. The sky wasn't as beautiful as it was in the morning, but it was still pretty. I looked at the school in front of me. I was supposed to be inside it, walking to my first class. But I just couldn't get my feet to walk inside the gate.

"You're late too?"

Of course, Hiraeth was there, looking happy and ready for school. A smile disappeared from her face and she slightly frowned. "I know we're not on perfectly good terms but... are you okay?"

"Perfect." I lied.

Before I knew what was happening I broke into sobs. Hiraeth immediately pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. "I'm here for you, Kai. Tell me what's wrong."

Everything.

I couldn't respond to her. I just pulled away from her and wiped my tears with the sleeve of my sweater. "I'm fine, Hiraeth. Just go to class."

"I can't if you're crying like this. You need someone to talk to, let's talk in my car." Hiraeth pulled me towards her car.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said. I couldn't.

"We don't have to talk, I can just sit there." She unlocked her car and opened the passenger door for me. I got in and she went to her side. She looked at me expectantly.

"What are you looking at?" I sniffled.

"Where do you want to go?" Hiraeth asked.

"To class," I mumbled.

"I don't think you can, Malakai. You are obviously tired and sad about something. You should take a day off or something." She started the car.

"Hiraeth..." I wanted to protest but I broke out into a sob again. Hiraeth grabbed the hand I wasn't wiping my tears with.

"We are taking a day off, or at least ditching school until you feel better. So where would you like to go, Malakai?" I looked up at her. My heart was warmed by her gentle smile.

"I'm not sure," I said softly.

"Great, Jack in the Box it is!" Hiraeth smiled like a doofus and sat up in her seat. "Buckle up, I don't want a ticket."

I rolled my eyes and buckled my seatbelt. I stared out the window as Hiraeth drove away from the building we were supposed to be in.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, turning to Hiraeth.

I looked her over, she was clearly dressed for school. More than dressed, it seemed like she dressed to impress someone. She wore a dress that hugged her body and showed off her curves. It was short but not short enough to get dress-coded. If she were to bend over in front of me-

"We all need a break sometimes." Hiraeth shrugged. She briefly glanced at me. She was awfully pretty.

"But it seems like you were going to do something important... or at least talk to someone important," I said.

She bit her lip. "I was just going to ask a friend to get lunch with me off-campus, nothing special really."

"Right... What's his name or is it Jason?" I shifted, turning my body toward her.

"They do not have a name. And it doesn't matter who it is. They probably wouldn't have said yes anyway." Hiraeth glanced at me quickly.

"I doubt it, you look beautiful Hiraeth," I said. She bit her lip once again and focused her attention on the road. I laughed remembering how easy it was to get her flustered.

She's better off without me.