Forgotten Heartstrings

Chapter 1

Gab

“How should two years left to live be spent?”

For an ill teen who strives hard every day to live his life to the fullest, I think two years is long enough for me to fulfill some of my dreams.

Although I can’t go to college or even get my dream job, I think I have to at least finish my senior high school journey. To get my diploma and make my parents even prouder before even living in this world. There are so many things I can do in my remaining two years, yet, I do not know if those things are meaningful enough or worth the two years.

After all, it’s my last year and I can’t afford to risk it with nonsense things.

Pero paano nga ba?

I sip on my drink before clicking the post button. Pinagmasdan ko ang pagloading ng aking post hanggang sa totally posted na ito at kaagad kong nilipat sa youtube ang aking attention para manood ng inspirational message ng mga taong cancer survivor.

I want to feel better and I think this is a perfect idea to not just get inspired but be motivated to fight for my life and to live above my demons.

“I thought I couldn't survive with my cancer, but thank God, I survived," panimula no'ng babae sa video.

Uminom ulit ako sa drink at tinuloy ang panonood sa kanya.

"Some might be wondering how I survived such a deadly illness. Well, to be honest, aside from the constant prayer, the medication sessions, the support of my loved ones, and the way I believe in myself that I can overcome it, I found someone who gave me so much hope."

Those statements made me stop for a while. She found someone who gave her so much hope. It couldn't be her friends or her family since na-mention na iyon na maliban sa kanila.

It really sparked my interest kaya walang pag-aalinlangan kong tinuloy ang panonood.

"Someone who painted my world with kindness, care, and love. And, that is why, we should always have to consider someone who genuinely cares for us and loves us. There are no such healing things as knowing that you are not alone in the battle and that you are being loved, supported, and cared for," patuloy ng babae.

Parang nabuhayan ang loob ko nang marinig ko ang buong statement niya. It was just the first video yet it feels like she already gave everything I need to hear from others.

And because of her, I started wondering if I once had a lover. I know that I just turned 18 and I’m still young for it but I’m just curious. What if may jowa talaga ako? What if nakalimutan ko lang siya because of my condition?

Ang cliché.

Dala siguro 'to ng panonood ko ng k-drama at pagbabasa ng wattpad stories these days. Ang boring kasi ng buhay ko, may sakit pa ako. Diyos ko. Parang kailan lang, hinihiling ko sa panginoon na sana mapaaga ang pagpahinga ko, ngayong natupad, parang bigla akong nagsisi.

Sabi ko naman rest lang, hindi rest in peace.

Siguro ang sama ko sa past life ko kaya ito ako, pagbabayaran ang lahat ng kasalanan. Kidding.

It has been precisely two months since I experienced memory loss and forgot about half of my past experiences and recollections, pati lahat ng kaibigan ko at sarili kong mga magulang.

Halos dalawang linggo rin akong nasa hospital pero hindi pinagkait sa akin ni mama na sabihin ang tungkol sa mga kaibigan ko dati na hindi na raw nagparamdam nang malaman nilang lilipat na ako ng school.