Dial Drunk - Post Malone

54

They stand, wrapped around each other, their pain like a searing hot poker. If Austin could he would take her pain because knowing she feels like this too kills him. But, he can't do anything. Grassy is gone and there is not a dam thing he can do about it.

It's fucked up.

So, fucked up.

Levi lifts her head from his chest and looks up at him, her eyes sad and a little worried as she searches his face. "If anything were to push the bottle into my hand it would be this...but, I don't want the bottle, sweet. I know you worry. I understand why. I know it's hard to be sure, but all I am battling now is sadness...no voices," he signs. She nods softly then reaches up, cupping his head and bringing him down to her lips. She kisses him, it feels like she gives him all the strength she has left in her pursuit to keep him strong enough to get through this. She puts him first, she always does. But, her being here is enough so he kisses her back and hopes she feels him attempt to give back as much strength as she is giving him - they will get through this together.

He feels her take a step back and readies himself for the kiss to break, but she keeps their lips attached and pulls him forward when she takes another step. Surprised, he breaks the kiss and looks down at her while she continues to look up at him. Then he lifts her, letting her wrap her legs around his waist and drape her arms around his neck as he kisses her again and walks down to his bedroom.

~

He is broken. Shattered. Austin has been at war with himself since the day I met him, but this is different. He is different. He submits to this pain and does not turn away from it. He has made so many mistakes, made so many poor decisions, experienced so much loss and denied it all. But, he faces this pain - he is the man I always knew he was. He is in so much pain it kills me inside. He carries me down to his bedroom, his steps heavy and his shoulders tight. Then he is looking at me through wet lashes, begging me to take him away, liberate him from this reality. But, he is strong enough to face this, he is strong enough to get through this loss. I know this with all my heart, my heart that he stole the second I met him.

I roll my eyes at him, "I love you," the voice in my head says as he puts me down. "I love you too, sweet," he signs. "You are strong," I sign placing my hands on his chest. "I don't feel strong," he says. I can't hear him, but I can see his mouth forming the words and the gentle vibrations under my fingertips resting on his chest. He has a deep raspy voice. It's dominant and strong, and I have always found it hypnotic, soothing too. But, I will admit I am biased when it comes to Austin. I roll onto my toes and wrap my arms around his strong neck, pressing our lips together. I have missed him so much this year, but he needed this time. He spent this year not only trying to prove to me that he was a better man but also proving to himself that he has what it takes not to fall again, not to reach for the bottle again. He is not perfect and there are still hurdles, but the man fought and won the battle. Grassy was by his side the whole time and now he has to fight all over again, and he will win again. But, he won't be alone.

I break the kiss and step back, removing my clothing slowly as his eyes roam my body, his piercing blue eyes have a way of staring right through me - they have always held me captive. When I step closer to him again and peel off his clothing slowly, he remains still as he continues to watch me. I look up at him when I am finished, watching him swallow the lump in his throat before he bends down and kisses me. His strong arms wrap around me so tightly as if he is afraid I too am going to disappear from his life. I won't. I take a step backward toward the bed slowly and he follows easily so I take him with me, our lips still pressed together until I feel the bed brush against my legs then he lifts his head and watches as I lie down then put my arms out to him. I will give him all the comfort I have left in my painful chest, I would take all his pain if I could.