ETB #1: Lost in Blank Stares

Chapter 01

Chapter 01

Wala akong problema sa magulang, sa mga kaibigan, sa financial status, o kahit sa academics ko, dahil nasa Dean's List ako at patuloy kong namimintina ang mataas na markang iyon.

But when it comes to my half-brother, it's a big mystery why our relationship is so estranged. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong nagawa ko sa kanya at bakit parang hindi kapatid ang turing niya sa 'kin.

Since I was a child, he's always been rude and sometimes even a bit harsh towards me. What I don't understand is why this behavior towards me has continued.

I'm worried. Is it because I'm gay that he doesn't like me? Or could there be another reason for his behavior? I'm trying to figure out if there's a specific issue or if something else might be affecting his actions.

It's painful to think that my sexuality might be a factor in our strained relationship, especially when I've always tried to be supportive and understanding despite his attitude.

I often reflect on our past interactions, trying to pinpoint any incident or behavior that might have contributed to his distance, but nothing seems to stand out as a clear cause.

"Ang galing mo talaga, anak! Nasa Dean's List ka na naman. Congratulations! Sobrang proud si Mommy sa'yo," masayang bati ni Mommy nang ipaalam ko iyon sa kanya.

Binabalita ko kasi agad sa kanya kapag nasa Dean's List ako o kahit noong nasa high school ako kapag nakakapasa ako sa honor list.

I was happy that my mother didn't get tired of telling me that she's proud of me, kaya kahit nakakapagod, pinagpupursigihan ko talaga laging makapasok sa Dean's List.

It was satisfying to hear that she's proud of me.

Nagpaalam naman siya sa akin kasi may gagawin pa siya sa trabaho, kaya nakangiti akong sinabihan siyang mag-ingat.

Gabi na, kaya chineck ko ang notes ko kung may mga gagawin. Nililista ko kasi lagi sa Notes ko ang mga gawain para hindi ko kaagad malimutan. Nang makita kong may ilang bagay pa akong kailangan tapusin, pumunta ako sa kwarto para gawin ang mga iyon.

Habang umaakyat ako ng hagdan, nakasalubong ko si Kuya Aries. I could already sense that talking to him now wouldn't lead to anything good.

"Ba't ba lagi mong kailangang umaktong perpekto ka? Hindi naman solusyon 'yang Dean's List sa lahat ng problema natin!" saad niya sa naiiritang boses.

And I was right.

Narinig siguro niya ang sinabi ko kay Mommy tungkol doon, pero ang hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nag-react ng ganun. I was just sharing another achievement with Mom; I wasn't bragging about it. I simply wanted her to know about my progress.

"Hindi naman ako umaaktong perpekto, Kuya. Sinasabi ko lang naman kay Mommy ang naging achievement ko," saad ko sa magalang na tono.

Ayokong makipag-away; marami pa akong gagawin at ayokong ubusin ang enerhiya ko sa kanya.

"Siguro, kung hindi ka masyadong nakatuon sa sariling achievements mo, baka makita mo na hindi lang grades ang mahalaga sa buhay. Subukan mong tingnan ang pinagdadaanan at realidad ng iba, hindi lang ang sarili mong mundo!"

I don't get it. How is it my problem that sharing my achievements affects others?

"Hindi lang sa'yo umiikot ang mundo!" he added through gritted teeth.

What's his problem? Why does he always have to make me feel bad? I'm just trying to do my best!

How can my success be a source of frustration for anyone else?