ETB #1: Lost in Blank Stares

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"I'm worried about your brother. Hindi na siya lumalabas ng kwarto, and he's also not eating. Natatambak na nga ang mga pagkain sa labas ng kwarto niya."

It was Mom speaking when I got home a week after the trip to Sorennata. We were sitting by the poolside, watching Thalia play with our cousins. Lara was also in the pool, dipping her feet to watch over them-mababaw lang naman, but they still needed supervision.

"That's unusual. Kinausap mo na ba siya?" I asked. He doesn't usually lock himself in his room, and he's often not even here because of work.

"Ayaw nga kaming pagbuksan ng pinto. Lumuwag naman ang loob ko nang malaman kay Mirna na lumalabas siya ng kwarto para kumain kapag tulog na kami," she added, referring to one of our maids.

I nodded worriedly. "If he's not going out... Did he lose his job?"

Mom sighed deeply before taking a sip from her teacup. "Yun nga rin ang iniisip ko, anak-baka nawalan siya ng trabaho o baka nag-resign na. Ang hindi ko lang malaman ay kung bakit siya nagkukulong."

I leaned back in my chair, sipping my juice. My mind was already racing with assumptions, crafting scenarios about Kuya's behavior.

"Sometimes, I feel like it's my fault," she said, her voice tinged with regret. "When I was abroad, I couldn't give him the attention he needed. Someone else took care of him while I was away."

"He grew up to be independent, Caspian. He didn't need anyone, not even a parent, to guide him through the challenges of growing up. Kaya siguro ngayong may problema siya, sinasarili niya lang at hindi na humihingi ng tulong sa iba. I feel useless."

I gently took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "I don't know the reasons you had for going abroad, Mom, but I know it was for a good cause. So please, don't blame yourself. Nobody wants this to happen."

A faint smile crossed her lips. "Salamat, anak. I'm lucky to have an understanding son like you."

Ang ipinagtataka ko lang, kung nasaan ang unang asawa ni Mom sa mga pangyayaring ito. Why did the two of them separate, with Mommy going abroad and him being in jail?

There are too many questions in my head, but some of them scare me. I'm afraid of the answers. I know it's all in the past now, and I shouldn't be scared, but something just feels off.

"Kuya, buksan mo ang pinto. It's me, Caspian." Funny to think he would open the door for me. For sure, I'm the last person he wants to see right now.

A tray sat on the floor near the door, its contents barely touched. Breakfast had been skipped, and now it was already lunchtime. Talaga bang gabi lang siya kakain? He's going to get sick at this rate.

"Kuya, kunin mo na lang 'tong tray pag alis ko dito," I called out, placing the tray neatly on the floor. One of the maids passed by, and I motioned for her to take the untouched breakfast away.

I never had good memories with him. We always fought. But I never stopped caring for him and tried to fix our broken relationship. Lagi kong tinatatak sa isipan na kapatid ko pa rin siya. Maybe someday, he'll also see me as his younger brother-not someone he's competing with.

Nakakatawa ngang isipin na kahit yung mga laging nag-aasaran na magkakapatid ay kinaiinggitan ko. I envy those small, silly moments others take for granted.