ETB #1: Lost in Blank Stares

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I was caught off guard. I expected anger, but his tone was calm-so understanding, as if I hadn't done anything wrong at all. It made me feel even guiltier.

Alam ko namang mali rin ako. I had ignored him, acted like we hadn't gotten close at all.

"I'm f-fine. Ikaw, bakit ka napatawag?" I lightly slapped myself, annoyed at the stutter.

Pull yourself together, Caspian.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked.

"Huh? Hindi ah, hindi naman ako galit sa'yo," mabilis kong sagot.

"Then why are you ignoring me and my chats? I thought you were just busy, so I let it pass, but then you reacted to that... Never mind."

His words hit me harder than I expected, and I felt a pang of regret. Masyado kong inisip ang opinyon ng iba kaya nakalimutan kong isipin ang taong pinakaimportante sa akin. The guilt settled heavier in my chest, and I ran a hand through my hair, trying to think of the right words to say.

Well, diba tama lang naman ang paglayo ko? Siguro... mali lang sa paraang hindi ko muna siya kinausap kung bakit ako lumalayo.

What an idiot, Caspian!
You didn't even think that Stefano might have been blaming himself because he didn't even do anything wrong?!

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, making sure it sounded genuine. "I didn't mean to ignore you. I've just been... dealing with some stuff." My voice trailed off, unsure if I should tell him more.

Baka kasi, kapag sinabi ko sa kanya ang buong rason, mas lalo lang magka-gulo. I wouldn't want that to happen.

"You could've just told me," Stefano said, his voice softer this time. "Whatever it is, I'm here, Caspian. Hindi mo kailangang sarilihin ang mga bagay. I'm always here for you."

Napatingin ako sa sahig, guilt swirling in my chest. Especially thinking of the reason why I've been avoiding him. Pag nalaman niya ba ang sinasabi nila, would he distance himself from me?

"So, are you still sulking?" tanong niya nang hindi ko sinagot ang sinabi niya.

I chuckled nervously. "Hindi ako nagtatampo!"

"Sure. Mr. Halos isang buwan din akong hindi nireplyan," sarkastikong sabi niya.

Tumawa ako nang mahina. "Gano'n mo ba ako ka-miss? Araw-araw mo rin sigurong hinihintay ang reply ko." Biro ko, hoping to lighten the guilt weighing on me.

He fell silent, and the grin on my face disappeared. Gago, baka sineryoso ng lalaki!

"Relax, I'm just jok-"

"I miss you," he said, cutting me off.

The words hung in the air, freezing me in place. I almost dropped my cellphone in shock; halos isang minuto rin akong natulala, buti nalang at nakabawi agad ako.

Tumawa ako ng pilit. "Inaantok ka na siguro kaya kung ano-ano na ang pinagsasabi mo diyan!" I looked at the digital clock on my cabinet; it was almost eleven.

"I'm not sleepy if you tell me to go to your unit to prove that I'll do it."

I smiled in amusement. "It'd be unnecessary to go all the way here just to prove you're not sleepy at all."

"Really? Well, it was just an excuse to see you," he admitted.

I bit my lip. Pota! What was he saying? Dudugo na yata ng labi ko sa pagpipilit na huwag sumigaw.

"Are you still there... baby?" he added, his tone playful but laced with something deeper.

I closed my eyes and rolled on my bed. Shutanginams! Ano ba 'to? Bakit ba siya gan'yan?! Marupok ako!