Twisted Wonderland: Camp Vargas - Exercise in Survival

Chapter 1-1: No Ifs, ands, or Buts

One day in the lecture hall, Headmaster Crowley has an announcement.

Crowley says, "I'm going to start by taking roll. Each representative should speak up when I call your club. Is the Equestrian Club here?"

"Naturally. All members present and accounted for," Riddle says.

Along with Silver, Sebek, and others in the Equestrian Club.

Then Crowley says, "Next up, the Track Club."

"Here!" Jack calls out.

With Jack on the Track Club is Deuce and other members

Then Crowley says, "And the Basketball Club?

"Present," Jamil says.

With him on the Basketball Club are Ace, Floyd and other members, "Which leaves...the Spelldrive Club."

However, Leona is silent. Same with Ruggie and Epel

Crowley calls out, "Hello? Spelldrive Club? Are they absent?"

"We're here! The whole club's here, sir!" Ruggie calls out.

"Very good. A full house, as it were," Crowley says.

"Phew, that was close," Ruggie says in relief, "The last thing we need is people accusing us of not having any team spirit or something," Then turns to Leona, "You really went and dozed off before the meeting even began, Leona? Talk about audacity."

Leona remains silent.

"Guess talking to him isn't gonna wake him up..." Ruggie says.

Soon, Crowley says, "Now on to the topic at hand. I suppose I should begin by explaining why I summoned you all here. I realize this is short notice, but next week you'll all be going to a camp...in the mountains, let's say. It's called Camp Vargas! As the name implies, it's a three-day training camp overseen by our very own Coach Vargas. All athletic club members are expected to attend. If you would all quiet down? Coach Vargas will elucidate. The floor is yours, Coach."

And soon, Coach Vargas calls out, "Right!" and steps forward and announces to the students, "Okay, here's the deal! Night Raven College is an athletic powerhouse, and we've been rocketing up the ranks in our division. Which is to be expected with ME at the helm. But why stop there, when I could give you even more opportunities to grow? That's where Camp Vargas comes in. You'll spend three days in the great outdoors, testing your mettle against several special challenges I've cooked up. They've all been specially designed to test you all to your limits! And that's the point! Anyone who surmounts these challenges will be well on their way to becoming a strapping stud like me. Now, obviously, getting to my level is no mean feat. I figured you all could do with some extra motivation, so the headmage has agreed to provide an incentive.

"Indeed. I will purchase any one thing for any club that completes all of their challenges," Crowley says.

"Anything? Did you just say ANYTHING?" Ruggie asks, looking excited.

But Crowley says, "Ah, no, I didn't mean ANYTHING. It was a poor choice of words. Please, banish the thought from your minds! Generosity has its limits, of course. If a club were to ask for a second sports field, for example, that would naturally be out of the question. I ask you to limit your requests to equipment for use in your club activities."

That has Ruggie disappointed, "Aww, boo. Hmm... A piece of equipment, huh... Didn't a Spelldrive disc polisher go on the market recently? They're so expensive, only pro teams can afford 'em, and they definitely count as equipment. We can ask for one of those."

"No matter how bad Coach Vargas gets, he can't be more demanding than Vil. Maybe it'd actually be worth going for it," Epel says.

And then Vargas says, "Oh, and any club that fails to complete all their challenges will be disbanded."

"...Wait, what?" Epel and Rugge say in shock.

Same with the rest of the students of the clubs. The thought of having their club disband.

But Vargas says, "Relax! They're all entirely doable... IF you apply yourselves. Just use those muscles you've been building. Don't disappoint me now!"

"Disbanded? Not that I hadn't been taking this seriously, but that does add more weight to the situation," Silver says, and becomes determined.

But Sebek says, ""There's actually a more concerning matter, we take part in this training camp, we'll have to leave Malleus for THREE WHOLE DAYS! Riddle, if any of us were to be absent..."

But Riddle says, "You'd be unexcused, of course. The headmage said everyone was to attend. Rules are meant to be followed."

"But, we can't...!" Sebek cries out.

And Ace says, "Training and challenges are a huge pain, but the camping part sounds kinda fun. That means we get to do cool stuff like make a campfire and roast marshmallows, right?" and is kind of excited about it.

Floyd however, doesn't feel the same, "Whoa. Are you serious, Crabby? THAT'S what camping is on land? It's not just a boring trip to go gaze at anglerfish lights and stuff? That sounds rad!"

Then Jamil says, "Did you two miss the part where they might shut down our club? Not a shred of urgency between you..."

Jack then says, "I've taken my siblings out camping in the woods a few times back home. We slept in tents and everything. Coach Vargas is right about the whole 'great outdoors' thing. We learned a lot from that experience."

"You know, it's oddly convincing when you say it, Jack..." Deuce says, "But camping's just sleeping outside, right? Is that really all it takes to improve yourself?"

Just then, Vargas shouts, "PIPE DOWN!"

That catches everyone's attention.

Vargas adds, "Camp Vargas is gonna make you harder, better, faster, and stronger than ever before! No ifs, ands, or buts!"

Leona scoffs, "Tch. Man, that was loud. Hey, Ruggie, what's with the human bullhorn?"

"Hoo boy... You picked the wrong time to wake up, Leona. Coach Vargas is ranting. Just please, keep your mouth shut," Ruggie says.

"Excuse me?" Leona responds with a crown.

Vargas turns to Crowley, "I swear, you kids don't know how good you have it."

"Now, now, Coach. They'll change their tune once they experience your camp for themselves, wouldn't you agree?" Crowley says.

"Absolutely. Next week can't come soon enough!" Vargas says.

He then announces, "Okay, boys. I'm gonna hand out the camp overview and schedule now. Make sure you actually read it!"