|𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠e𝐥𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞| ᵃʳᵐⁱⁿ ᵃˡᵉʳᵗ

|24| Curse or Honor

*Warnings: Language, Violence*

-MARLEY-

A couple more months went by, Y/n didn't leave her room much. She can't wear shoes for more than twenty minutes or else she'll burn out the bottom of them, gloves don't work anymore either, she just has to be very careful with what she does. Usually she can use her ice to even it out, but ever since that day at the docks it disappeared. She tried blowing it from her mouth like she used to, but a puff of hot smoke came out, so that was no use.

But the worse part was that her power grew more than her body could take. It hurts her now, her feet and hands especially. She keeps bandages with her and wraps her feet and hands a couple times a day since she always has fresh burns. It was a nightmare to live with and she didn't get much sleep either.

Most nights, just like this one, she would sneak up to the roof and watch the night sky. So there she was, sitting where her and Marcel used to sit, looking up at the sky the way she used to look at it with Armin. On nights like these, she found herself praying, thought not to some divine creature, but to a girl she once knew.

"Ymir, I don't know if you can hear me, and frankly I don't know why I bother at this point, but I just need someone to talk to. Reiner's not doing so well , I've caught him trying to kill himself a couple of times. My brother is as popular as usual, Porco and Pieck are attached at the hip, I think they like each other. Udo is doing really well and I'm really proud of him, and all the other kids too of course. Zeke has changed, and not for the better. He's such an asshole now, always angry and giving too many orders. And I'm just sort of there. I try to stay away from people, only leaving my room if I absolutely have too. I don't like having to walk around with caution constantly. I don't like making people uncomfortable and scared just by being there, but that's just what I do now. And I've accepted who I am at this point, I am a monster. You know, I've heard people calling me a 'titan in human form', so basically a monster disguised a human. They don't even try to hide it, but I don't really care that much anymore, there's not much I can do." She scoffed as she laid down on her back. "I miss everyone, I miss you, Bertholdt, Annie, Sasha, Mikasa, Connie, even Eren and Jean for fucks sake. My life was so much better there, I had a fresh clean slate, and I fucked that up too. I've almost jumped off this roof a couple times too, but I'm too scared to die. I wish Armin were here, he'd know what to say, he always did..."

"So, Armin's the blonde guy I've been seeing in that girls memories?" Porco asked from behind her, giving her a fright.

"Porco, what are you doing up here?" she asked in a blunt tone.

"Couldn't sleep," he answered as he sat beside her. "You and that guy were always together. Every time that this girl saw you, you too were together."

"'That girl' is called Ymir and what does it matter if we hung out a couple times?" Y/n asked.

"No, you two were together all the time, you liked him didn't you?" Porco asked.

"It doesn't matter," she told him.

"They're devils! You can't like them!" he shouted.

"They're people, Porco! Like me and you! They have personalities and opinions, like a person!" she shouted back.

"So you do like him! No wonder you speak so highly of those devils!" Porco replied with an annoyed expression.

"He's dead anyway so what does it matter!" She added. "I'm here, and the rest of them are on that fucking island, so please, yell at me for liking a group of people I'll never see again!"

Porco scoffed and stormed off back down the stairs and into the building. Tears fell from Y/ns eyes. What happened to me? I'm so angsty and rude. I don't like it. She stared back up at the sky and all she could think about was how she lost the person she used to be. Is this what growing up is? I look different on the outside, and I feel like a whole new person on the inside. But I don't wanna be this person, I wanna be how I was before, when I was with Armin and Bertholdt. When everyone was happy and I didn't have to live in fear of everything around me, including myself. Porco was such an angry little boy, and he's still such an angry man. I was such a lonely little girl, so does that mean I'll always stay that way? Because apart of me feels like that lonely little girl and I don't know if that's going to go away.