|𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠e𝐥𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞| ᵃʳᵐⁱⁿ ᵃˡᵉʳᵗ

|28| Boy with a Shell

*Warnings: Language*

-PARADIS-

Sasha had been put in her grave. As the sun set, Y/n made her way to Sasha's grave. Though someone else was already there, Mikasa. They both saw each other at the same time, Mikasa giving her a scowl. "Sorry, I'll come back later," Y/n said as she turned around.

"No it's fine," Mikasa told her, "she was your friend too." She patted the patch of grass beside her. Y/n sat down and they stayed in silence for a little while. "Have you spoken to Armin?"

"Um- no, not yet," she said as Mikasa sighed.

"You should, he misses you," she told her. "He was broken up about you for ages. He's probably in the dungeons, you should go see him."

"I don't know if I want to see Armin," Y/n told her.

"Why not?" Mikasa asked.

"I don't want to bring him down," Y/n said. "He seems so fulfilled. I don't want to ruin that by shoving myself back into his life. Plus, I'd rather him remember how I was before rather than who I am now."

"Who are you now?" she asked.

"I am a monster," Y/n answered. "And I will never amount to anything more than a weapon of war. I was born to be used and to give, not to relax and receive. The whole purpose of my being is to fight, it's in my blood and it has been for generations."

"Break that cycle," Mikasa told her. "I don't forgive you, but I am willing to try. I look at you and I see a young woman who has her whole life ahead of her, so much time to change the expectations that people have for her. What do you see?"

"When I look at myself I see a lonely, sad little girl and all she wants to do is cry and behind her, is an ugly thing that is full of anger, that is me," Y/n told her. What she didn't tell her was that she had dreams about it, the little girl and the thing behind her. She'd have nightmares, but they never did anything, the little girl just stood there and the thing kept its hand on her shoulder. Though every time she wakes up, she can never remember exactly what either of them looked like, they just blurred together.

"Why do you see yourself like that?" Mikasa asked her.

"Because, the little girl is who I was and the monster is me now," Y/n answered. "The little girl is me during everything that made me become what I am now. I'm either incredibly sad and hollow, or angry and violent, or I could go mad and ricochet between the two. I used to think they were two different people, but when I look in the mirror they blur together and it makes me."

"Armin told me you were the most interesting person he had ever spoken to," Mikasa told her. "He told me that if he spent the rest of his life listening to you talk about yourself, it wouldn't be a waste and that he would be more than happy to rot beside you, as long as he had the chance to understand you. Armin doesn't see either of those people, he sees you, he sees what you are now, not what other people have made you believe. So, go and see him."

Y/n sent her a small smile as she nodded and stood up. She slowly began heading back inside and down into the dungeons. Y/n was in The Scout's green uniform, she was also provided with the black one that goes with the ODM gear. The walk to the dungeon was silent, Y/n letting her thoughts swallow her whole. What if he hates me? I don't know what I'd do with myself if he did.

She wandered through the halls, not sure where to go. She turned a corner briskly and saw Armin closing two large wooden doors behind him as he walked out into the hall. She froze when their eyes met, he froze too. "Hey- uh- what are you doing down here? Are you lost?" Armin asked her.