Valeriana

38

CWs/TWs: mentioned death, mentioned suicide

.•°*°•.

Joel sat outside cardiology as Grian was being seen by the doctors, his leg shaking and his mind racing.

What if this was it? What if Grian was really dying and this was how his life was going to be for the next couple of months? What if he was in such a terrible condition that he wouldn't be able to see him anymore? What if that puppet show was the last time Joel would ever interact with Grian? What if Grian draws his last breath and Joel isn't there to hold his hand?

What if he's already gone?

Joel covered his face with his hands. He didn't want to think about that as a possibility.

"Babe."

Joel looked up to see Lizzie smiling gently at him.

"Jimmy and Scott are here," she said, moving aside so Joel could see the two boys. "And I want to tell you something, but... it can wait until we can see Grian."

Joel blinked away tears that formed and nodded, forcing a small smile. He couldn't bring himself to say a single word. He thought he might burst into tears if he did.

Lizzie sighed and sat down next to him. "Oh, I know, hunny," she said, wrapping an arm around him and gently pulling him to rest on her. "I know it's hard. It's okay to cry."

Joel never needed to hear those words more in his entire life. He turned his head into her arm and sobbed, his whole body shuddering as he began to wail. He hated the thought of losing Grian, of losing the life they dreamed of having since Joel and Lizzie were still in high school. He hated the thought of losing another part of his family. He always lost his family-

That was it.

That was why Joel was so much more afraid of losing him.

Because he already lost his whole family, plus Lizzie's father and nearly Jimmy and Scott. And possibly almost Lizzie, too. She could've lost her life during her miscarriage.

Maybe he was cursed. Maybe he shouldn't have married Lizzie because maybe Daniel wouldn't have died. Then Jimmy wouldn't have become so suicidal. Maybe he shouldn't have adopted Grian because maybe he wouldn't be dying. Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe he would be better dead-

"Mr. and Mrs. Smallishbeans?"

Joel looked up to see one of the cardiologists standing in front of him and Lizzie.

"I'd like to have a word with you," she said.

Joel and Lizzie looked at each other, both of them thinking the worst. Lizzie gave a small smile that she hoped would relax Joel a bit. Maybe the news will be good for once.

The cardiologist sighed after pulling the couple aside. "It's a lot worse than we thought it was."

Never mind.

Joel and Lizzie exchanged glances.

"What do you mean?" Lizzie asked.

"The tumor has been growing at an extremely rapid pace and has invaded the right atrium of Grian's heart," the cardiologist said, and suddenly Joel felt like crying again. "It's causing issues with his heart rate, oxygen levels, and blood pressure. He won't live for much longer like this. I'd say your goodbyes now while you can."

Lizzie gasped and grabbed onto Joel's arm. "You're not serious, are you?"

The cardiologist nodded. "I'm very sorry," she told them. "You're welcome to visit him now for as long as you'd like."