You think about me?

Everywhere in the house

                                                    The five of us talked about various topics until Josh and Cole decided they wanted to go get food for everyone.

                                                    Angel wanted to stay with me and Jax was asleep on my legs again. Angel was telling me about what had happened since last week that I had missed while I played with her hair.

                                                   "We were really scared, Max. Cole wouldn't stop working unless he was by your side. He wouldn't sleep and he got sick every time he ate cause of how worried he was. I heard him crying every night. I sat outside his room just incase he needed me. And Josh was over everyday with his brother and his mom. She cooked for all of us and Josh tucked us in at night while she was working. He left Elias in our room to watch at night since Jax was up all night anyway. Josh slept in your room. I heard him telling Cole it made him feel closer to you and made him feel more okay. Jax stayed up all night every night. He only slept during the day when he was with Maria. He tried to go to sleep for the first few nights but he couldn't sleep without your stories and your songs. He couldn't even close his eyes without you tucking him in. Knowing you were there was always his comfort. When you weren't we couldn't even get him to smile. He was soscared of you not coming home. He kept telling me he didn't want a repeat of mommy. Cole kept trying to tell him you were okay but he refused to believe it except for when we came here to visit and watch over you." she said. She sounded so hurt by how much it effected all of them.

                                               "And how were you? Were you okay?" I asked her while I rubbed her back.

                                               "I tried to be. Everyone else was so scared and worried. I tried to keep everyone happy but I was really scared too. I couldn't stop thinking about you and everything felt slow and you were everywhere in the house but you weren't there."

                                               "What do you mean I was everywhere in the house?"

                                               "I mean you were everywhere. You still had a cup on the counter, shoes in the living room, your computer was still on the couch, your art on the walls, you had a book in the kitchen.. you were at the house but you weren't home. Just your things. Reminders that you weren't actually home. It hurt. I went into your room a couple times to see if maybe you had come home while we were sleeping or if you had come back when no one was paying attention or to see if maybe it was all a bad dream but you weren't there. I missed you a lot. I think Jax missed you the most though." she was almost crying when she finished. I kissed her forhead and told her I'm okay now and I'll be home again soon and that they can come visit or call me everyday no matter what before telling her she needed to get some sleep.

                                             She asked me to sing her "mommy's song". Our mom loved to make up songs to get us to go to bed but only one had ever worked for her. She always asked me to sing it for her when she couldn't sleep. So I sung to her and I held her close to me until she was asleep in my arms.

                                             Once she was asleep, I laid there silently until the boys came back with food. I told them not to wake up the kids so they didn't. And the three of us ate together with small talk and quiet laughs while nurses came in hourly for vitals. A couple of the doctors had smiled at my siblings and told me I was gonna be a great mother if I ever had kids one day.

                                             It was a few minutes after 1:30 when I fell asleep to the sounds of snores, beeping machines, and people pacing the hallways.