Always

Did I Disregard Benevolence? Or Did She Grasp My Frailty?

As she made her way the bustling campus, she suddenly felt that her heart raced with anticipation. She couldn't shake the nervousness that coursed through her veins, knowing that a certain figure could be just around the corner. But as she turned and saw her standing in front of the building, a wave of disappointment washed over her.

She had been puffing and huffing, rushing to meet her, only to be met with the realization that she had been caught up in her in her own selfish desires. She couldn't help but to feel a pang of guilt as she realized how thoughtless and inconsiderate she had been. Her used to be crush stood there, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil. She smiled warmly at her, her eyes lit up with genuine happiness at the sight of her, and yet she couldn't shake off the feeling of being such a horrible and awful person.

Rebecca struggled to maintain her composure as they still exchange eye contact, her mind clouded with self-doubt and regret. How could she have been blind to the needs and feelings of others? How could weakness and vulnerability blind her to the truth that been hidden all along? As her jaw clenched, she turned around and left her standing there with millions of questions to ask, what did she done wrong?

-As she kept walking aimlessly, trying to avoid losing her composure and look behind her, she finally took a round and hid behind the building. Her hand pressed against her chest as her teeth gritted harshly. It's happening all over again, the doubt and fear that battles between her heart and mind are taking place once again within her soul. "Fuck!..I hate this!..I hate this feelings..I hate losing control..I hate being tricked, played and manipulated by others!..why I felt like she's going to be different from other people?..I..I made sure this time..t..to double check..to not be played with again..a..and Quinn's videos were actually true..none of them were faked or made..but why! Why!!!...why this pain! Why!"

As she took her time to gather herself, her eyes wondered around checking if someone had seen her in this state. To her relief, the building was empty at the time, as she took a deep breath and made her way back to her campus. Her mind of course was drifting away, while her eyes were on the edge of her thoughts. She was lost and in pain, walking with guilt and sadness that took over her body.

-As she reached out her campus, she entered and made her way towards the common room where Irin was sitting on the couch checking on her classes. Rebecca tried her best to keep herself together, and slowly sat next to her. Irin tilted her head slightly, and turned around looking at her friend in disbelief. "Becky?" she called, as she scooted next to her. "Where have you been?..are you alright?..is something wrong?" Rebecca shook her head and forced herself to smile, as her eyes wondered around. "I'm alright..I guess" she gulped "it's just...I haven't had enough sleep lately"

-Irin reached out, rubbed her back and asked "why?..is something wrong with Elizabeth?". Once again Rebecca shook her head and said "n..no..it's just..something else" Irin frowned and said "what is wrong Becky?..don't conceal your feelings within yourself...you use to share everything with me..so what changed?" Rebecca gulped and looked at her, as her heart submerged in fear. "I..I.." before she could say anything, her phone buzzes within her pocket, which caused her to startled.

-With a rose brow, she took her phone and checked the messages. Her eyes widened in shock, which caused her to uncontrollably scoot away from Irin. Irin knew who was messaging her, as her jaw clenched so harshly. "Fuck you Quinn!..you ruined my friend!..by God's will I pray for your demise so very soon!" Rebecca's eyes were in shock, while her hands were trembling. She was trying to act normally, as such, she was replying as fast as possible.