Secrets | Felix × Stray Kids

- 12 ⚠️ -

LOOK AT MY BABIES, THEY ARE SO CUTE, THE SKZCODE WAS SO AMAZING!!

So, yesterday was a chaotic and messy day for me day, so I may or may not have forgotten to update... ^^

Anyway, the new update is finally here, and let me tell you something.

Grab your tissues, you'll need it.

P.S: Next update is on the 9th ❤️

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"Hey, can we go outside to talk for a bit?"

Felix looked up at the elder, nodding his head while getting up from his seat and following Chan outside the building.

They both sat down at the table outside, Chan adjusted the umbrella of the table so the light wouldn't bother their eyes and after finishing, he sat down.

"Do you want some water or something to drink while we talk?" Chan questioned.

"No, I'm fine, thanks though. What did you want to talk about?" Felix asked with a raised brow.

Chan sighed and sat straight in his chiar, clearing his throat before speaking.

"Felix," Chan started in english. "I want to make sure of some things, ok?" Chan asked, making eye contact with the younger as Felix nodded.

"Felix, do you trust me?" Felix nodded.

"Do you trust the others?" Felix nodded again.

"Is there someone in the group that you don't trust as much as you trust the others?" Felix shook his head, making Chan sigh again.

"Felix, I want you to trust us and to not run off by yourself. What I'm reffereing to is the incident that happened a week ago," Chan finally said it, making Felix flinch and look away.

"Lix," Chan reached over and held Felix's hand. "Felix, please talk to me, to us. Tell us what's bothering you, why you're hurting so much. You don't have to suffer alone, and whatever you think you've done so worse thinking we won't be friends anymore is wrong. Because, listen to me. I will never leave you behind, ok? I will never leave any of you behind. You hurting all alone hurts us as well. We hate seeing our sunshine being sad and affected by something we don't even know. We know you had some... troubles when you were little and we don't know what happened other than that, and honestly, we wish we knew, because, we want to help you Lix. We never want to hurt you, to sterss you, no. We want to see our little sunshine happy and honest because it hurts us knowing you're hurting all by yourself. So please Lix, tell us what's holding you back from being happy again, what's holding you back from being honest with us, please?"

Well you could definitely say Felix did not except that kind of talk.

He hesitantly looked up at the elder, trying to find courage to speak when he started tearing up but brushed it off.

Don't you dare Felix, you already made a fool of yourself to Seungmin. Look what you've done now...

Felix cleared his throat before speaking softer than intended.

"There's nothing to talk about hyung, I'm fine." Felix tried lying to himself and to Chan, miserably failing when a tear rolled off his cheek. Traitor.

"Felix, please. There's clearly something that you don't want to tell us, and we're not going to force. But please, if you trust us and know what's best for you, please Lix." Chan begged while holding Felix's hand with both hands, slowly massaging it.

Felix sighed, quickly wiping his eyes of any unwelcomed tears.

Will they really not leave me behind if I tell them? I don't want them to pity me...

Felix doesn't know what made him want to talk, he doesn't know if it was Chan's hopefull eyes staring directly at him or the way Chan was holding his hand so softly, making his heart skip a beat but ignored it whatsoever.

Felix licked and nibbled at his lips nervously, staring at his hands. They were trembling, and he clenched them into fists, trying to steady himself. His breaths were shallow, and he could feel the familiar knot in his stomach tightening. He knew he needed to say it, but the words felt like they were stuck in his throat, refusing to come out.

Felix took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts. The memories were always there, in the back of his mind, but he rarely allowed himself to confront them. It was easier to pretend, to put on a happy face and act like everything was fine. But deep down, he knew he couldn't keep running forever.

"When I was little," Felix began, his voice trembling, "there was a fire. My house burned down, and... my family didn't make it." He paused, his eyes glazing over as the images flashed through his mind.

Screaming.

Chan didn't say anything, just drawed imaginary little circles on Felix's hand with his fingers. It was enough to give Felix the courage to continue.

"I remember everything," Felix said, his voice cracking. "The flames, the heat, the smoke. I was so scared. I kept calling out for my mom, my dad, my sisters... but they didn't answer. I can still hear their names in my head, over and over.
'Yongbok, baby! Go! Run, now! Don't look back and run!' "

Crying.

Felix's breath hitched as he recited the words he had heard so many times in his nightmares and thoughts. "My mom told me to go, to get out and find help. She said she would be right behind me, but she never came. I... I left them, Chan. I ran away and left them to die."

He could feel the tears streaming down his face now, but he didn't bother wiping them away.

"I tried to hold it together, to be strong, but it was all too much. I remember seeing Aunt Momo and screaming, and then everything went black. When I woke up, they were gone. Just... gone."

Fire.

Chan's hands tightened on his own, a silent offer of support.

His voice barely above a whisper, he spoke up again. " If I had been stronger, if I had tried harder, maybe I could have saved them. But instead, I ran. I left them to die, Chan."

Felix took a shuddering breath, his whole body shaking. "I'm so scared, Chan. Scared that if I don't keep smiling, if I don't act happy all the time, I'll drag everyone else down with me. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to hurt anyone. But the truth is, I'm terrified. Terrified that I will hurt the people I care about, terrified that I will hurt you."

Chan got up from his chiar and went to Felix's, pulling him into a tight embrace, holding him close. "Felix, it's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel pain. You don't have to carry this burden alone. We're here for you, and we won't let you fall."

Felix buried his face in Chan's shoulder, finally allowing himself to cry. "I just don't want to lose anyone else, Chan. I don't want to hurt anyone." Felix managed to say, his voice low and more like a sob.

"You won't," Chan whispered, his voice firm. "We're not going anywhere. We're in this together, Felix." Felix tucked his nose in Chan's scent gland, inhaling his comforting scent.

And for the first time in a long while, Felix allowed himself to believe it.