Secrets | Felix × Stray Kids ✔️

- 24 ⛔️🚫‼️ -

JEONGMINNNN!!

Just woke up(by XG), so sorry if I'm late with the chapter a bit, but as you probably know, I'm on vacation.

Also, 10K VIEWS, ARE Y'ALL INSANE???

THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️

Y'all dont know how much this means to me, thank you all, I hope you're enjoying the book~~

Anyways, I gotta go tan, so I'll check on y'all later alligators ^^

P.S: Next update is on the 13th ❤️

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As soon as Felix excused himself, he speed walked towards the bathroom.

As he entered inside, he closed the door behind him and locked it. He stood against the door, catching his breath slowly.

He shut his eyes, and automatically, his mind shifted towards the place he hates most.

-FLASHBACK: 15 YEARS AGO.

The next couple of days, I was forced to eat next to Aunt Momo breakfast, lunch(by Billie Eilish) and dinner.

I threw up everytime because I was not hungry, or I just felt disgusted to eat.

Not by her food, no. By myself. I feel disgusted by myself.

Everytime I try to sleep, I see them.
Everytime I wake up, I see them.
Everytime I want to eat, I see them.

I dream of them nowadays. I dream of my mom's face when she saw me running towards her in the morning while she was cooking, I dream of my dad's scolding whenever I argued with Rachel and Olivia and how he took us all to ice cream to calm us down, I dream of me and my sisters fighting and laughing together, of us playing in the sandbox.

I wish I could've been with them now. I wish I would've stayed in the house, so I could go with them.

I miss them so much, I just want to see them again, I want to go to them.

Then go.

"Huh?" I said out loud at the sudden voice.

Go to them, I'll help you.

"W-what?" I questioned, scared a little as the voice sounded like me.

I'm you silly. Now do you want to go see them again or not?

"Can I?"

Of course you can. I'll guide you through it.
It will take some time, but you can do it.

"W-what do I need to do?" I asked with a trembling voice, but I was also excided about seeing my parents again.

Heh.

-PRESENT TIME:

Felix grabbed a blade from under his plant and sat down, leaning his back on the door.

He looked at the blade with tears in his eyes.

Do it. Do it, you coward. Don't cry, you don't deserve it.

Felix swallowed down his tears as he unbottomed his jeans, sliding them down until he could have a clear view of his inner-thighs.

He let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes and bring the blade to his skin.

As the blade grazed onto the skin, Felix controled his breath.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

The moment the blade pierched his skin, he let out a controled breath, slowly pushing the blade deeper and deeper, more and more into the skin.

He let the blade sit there for a couple of seconds while trying his best to swallow up his tears, but failing when a little sob escaped his heart-shaped lips.

He quickly grabbed a wet cloth, he took the blade out fast and placed the wet cloth on the new wound, whinching at the uncontrolable pain.

He let out little shaky breaths as he tried his best to not let out to much noise, as his tears began pooling.

Don't cry. Don't you dare cry, shut up and suck it up, you deserve the pain, you don't deserve to cry, you're useless.

"Stop it, stop, please." Felix whispered softly, tears staining his freckles.

Why? You're useless and you know it, so suck it up. You're the one that wants to go see your family, not me. You asked for this you brat, so the least you could do is suck this up and shut your nosy mouth up before you make your idoit friends come here and laugh in your face because you're stupid.

"They a-aren't idoits and, they wouldn't do that, they c-care for me." Felix whispered between little sobs.

Oh please, think realistically Felix. Nobody cares about you, nobody loves you. Those who did, are gone. Aunt Momo thinks your a burden that she was forced to care for because your mom was her sister, your friends want to separate themselves fron you, Hyunjin has a relationship, but even so, no one could truly love you ever again, because you're a coward that simply would not accept the truth.

Felix shook his head as his sobs started slowly intensifying, his voice no longer clear but rather ragged and louder than he intented, but he couldn't control it anymore.

His crying got worse and worse, making it harder to breathe, causing his vision to get blurry.

He closed his eyes, hoping to make the dizziness go away but failing.

"Felix, are you alright in there?" Was the last thing Felix heard before passing out.

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