His Discovered Love

~Chapter•37~

It's almost morning.

The sun doesn't seem to have the desire to rise as we've been waiting for hours for the sunlight. It's a very dull morning. No warmth. No light. No clear sky. Just clouds and darkness in our room despite the fact that it's 7:30. We haven't slept well after Sasha had a nightmare and she couldn't go back to sleep after that. 

It looks like a tensed day. Neither energy nor any will to do something new. I lie on the bed with my head facing the ceiling. I notice the slight crack and flashes of the thoughts emerge in my mind regarding it. I make a lazy mental note of getting in fixed one day. My hand in laid forward and Sasha is curled into a ball with my hand in her rough ones. I constantly rub my thumb against her cold hands to make them warm. She's still. She doesn't speak. 

"How long will we stay like this Sashi?" I ask quietly while bird chirps break our long silence and then leave us again. 

"I don't know..." She exhales "A bit more"

I want to be quite with her. It's been traumatizing for me as well. 

"Edward?"

I hum. 

"What if you never found me?" 

It hits me hard. No, I can't show her how much it hurts me. She has to say away from all kinds of stress. 

"What if he'd kill me? What would happen then?" She asks it as if it's a normal thing to ask. 

"It never happened so don't think about it" I reply firmly. 

Again, we remain like that for a while. It's more satisfying rather than thinking of that traumatizing day night again. 

She rolls and sits up "Edward" 

I look at her face twisted in pain. I don't feel good seeing her like this. It's like my old Sasha has completely vanished. Her head completely droops down and her silky hair curtain her face. I hear a wet sniff from her. 

She wants to say something and even opens her mouth to say it but only sobs come out and she covers it with a hand. 

I should let her cry. 

"She...she killed our first child..."

That sentence was nothing more than fierce arrow thrusting into my chest and cracking then finally shattering my heart. 

I forget how to breathe. 

"What?" I sat up already in front of her. The grip of my hand on her shoulders loosens as I realize it can be painful for her "Who said that to you?" 

She looks at me pleading to forgive her "Nola"

I shut my eyes for a while and rub my whole face. 

"Six months after our marriage, I was pregnant. It was supposed to be a surprise until I lost it" when she looks at me, her chin trembles and she blinks just once before the large tears finally empty her filled up eye "I'm sorry!" 

I swallow. 

And then breathe. 

I pull her onto my chest and rub a hand behind her head. She grips my shirt very tight and cries. It hurts the way she cries, but I can't do anything.