real psychward exclusive

bpd makes me unreconizable or something idk

i'm still not taking anything back,

my eyes,

my body,

my heart or brain.

after 11 days you still don't understand me?

you still don't understand bpd?

oh your confused?

lol i am too.

so let me try to explain this to you.

so you know how you have emotions?

say during the during the day you feel these emotions;

wake up fine, then you go from happy, to sad, to angry, then happy again. then you feel anxious, now your crying, then you feel obsession and either get super happy or angry. no in between. then you fly off the rails. now think carefully this time are you manic, angry, sad or all? nvm your fine again, but now you are hungry, eat before its too late for you to feel shame for eating, so then you get angry again, and end off with being just plain and simply fine?

yeah those are a lot of things to feel within 24 hours right?

now imagine all of that within the span of 10 minutes.

sometimes 5.

holy shit, 1 minute?

imagine having the urge to confess your love and obsession to people who were simply nice to you?

being a copy and paste personality?

what i mean by that,

on my own i'm just existing.

i feel nothing,

i'm not really sad, nor happy.

i'm just kinda there.

then people effect me,

different personalities to each their own.

you might say everyone has different personalities around other people,

the way it's actually so different.

around some people i'm nice,

others i'm mean.

some i'm hateful,

some i'm trouble.

idk how to explain it i'm tired and its complex.

if i sense abandonment,

i'll do 1 of 2.

choose your poison ml.

you can either let me cling to you and let me scream for you to not leave,

if you do i promise i'll die of embarrassment when i hate u.

or let me stab you,

i'll protect myself and cry.

hurt you worse,

make you bleed more then i.

the way something so simply as not being the center of attention

why does that destroy me?

if i don't have everyones constant validation

i'm seriously gonna kill myself

if a friend simply looks at me the wrong way

i'm either gonna cry

or i'll make you fly

i get so angry and i hit