real psychward exclusive

dont come looking 4 me when im gone

i don't understand life,

i don't understand why its so cruel.

i don't understand why it likes to stab me,

i don't understand why it likes to leave me bare.

i don't understand why im this way,

im rare,

was i born to only hate?

was i born to be this way,

pop pills and dream about drugs.

was i born to think im god?

an invincible creep?

was i born to be alone,

cuz nobody else can relate?

was i born for my hands to shake,

a whore who's entertainment is gore?

im changed,

i don't recognize myself.

i look in the mirror,

see a fiend whos dead.

i see a girl who picks up empty pill bottles,

and steals bud light to this date.

was i born to be numb?

i'm an anti-empathic case.

am i destined to copy others?

no real personality of my own.

was i born to declare,

my hate of above.

somebody tell me,

why would i be ok with being raped?

am i destined to be a control freak?

attention come my way.

was i born to slit my wrist and beg for someone to watch?

mimic a drug addict,

i can learn how to take MDMA by you.

i feel stranded in the water,

my feet can no longer touch.

im chasing humanity's boat,

i see everyone onboard.

"dont leave me behind!

i swear i'll change!"

knowing i wont,

i only wanna make things worse.

starting a new chapter in this game,

i haven't respawned from the rest.

i no longer see me in the mirror,

ive gotten worse since last summer.

i gotta be honest,

i dont like sadie sink no more.

writing that down makes me cry,

she was the only stability and now shes gone.

ive been blocked again by samantha,

how does she always know who i am?

yesterday i felt normal,

yet that made me go insane.

walking around city park,

glaring at children who come near.

my pants are sagging low,

my hood and cap are on.

a glaze plaster over my pupils,

everyone treats me like a fucking whore.

men stare,

got me covering my body once more.

it felt so great,

i think i wanna relapse now.

its been 16 days,

i cant do this no more.

these unspoken words hit my brain,

got me high like cocaine.

was i born this vulnerable,

or was i born a two faced cow?

was i born human,

or was that a deceiving bore?

when im around people,

a blond chick you see.

under my eyes im changing my brain,

mimicking you like i am your friend.

gotta be honest,

i dont feel anymore love.

i do but no.

i dont know.

im scared,

drowning, dying,

no one understands why.

i see my reflection in the mirror,

i hear thoughts that arent my own.

someone, this is chloe reaching out.

im trapped underneath the borderline pour.

shes making me a druggy,

she stole beer the other day.

she picked up a needle,

i dont want that shit in my arm.

someone,

its too late.

i dont wanna be saved no more.

i haven't felt like me in so damn long.

these words are my own.

for once,

i dont feel like carmen no more.