real psychward exclusive

cripling food anxitey

i am so fucking obsessed with food.

ive been meaning to write this for a couple months,

but this hunger wont give up.

i am obsessed with food.

i starve and i starve,

then when no ones around i binge.

i eat and i eat,

nothing makes me feel full.

summer damaged my body,

i starved for days.

everything on my youtube recommended,

people eating enough fast food to last them weeks.

i first started watching them,

i was craving so bad.

i wanted to eat.

i needed the reassurance if people can eat all that food,

im allowed to have a cracker.

i hate when they complain.

i hate when people say.

"oh my god i just had a large fry and burger, i can eat no more."

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

we know you lie.

right..?

i can eat forever,

nothing fills me up.

im so hungry,

everywhere i look i see mold.

i cant eat now,

fuzzy stuff in my mouth.

im so scared of mold and bugs.

today was first time i've almost cried about seeing a bug in months

but then again i hate when people talk about food.

during the day i feel bulimic.

eat when i wake up,

i know how to get rid of it during the day.

i fell in love with salt water and the taste of my flesh

last time i vomited blood.

that scared the bulimia away.

i cant stop moving,

but sometimes im as lazy as i can be.

if you eat food your a pig,

wdym u cant wait?

atleast ur not like me.

but then when people say;

"im so fat i just had a salad plus more"

please stop making me hate my body,

i know i could eat that times twenty four.

my stomach is a black whole,

storing all the protein it can get.

it doesnt know the next time it will get to eat.

eating disorders are the best.

i think back at these and think how fat i felt but now i just wanna be that skinny again