sim.jaeyun → agent 003

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They let me in alone first with him, and to say my heart felt as if it was punctured, was to say the least. I sat right by him, grabbing his cold hand in mine, he lacked warmth, skin pale and tubes and cannulas attached to him like nobody's business.

His eyes were shut, lips a pale purple. I swallowed hard, this guy looked completely out.

"I don't even know what to say." I leant my head on the edge of his bed as I traced the lines in his palm with my fingers.

It was silence, a comfortable one, strangely. The monitor was beeping regularly, which somewhat brought comfort to me.

"I know you said I shouldn't save you, but I don't think I could've forced myself to not save you." I gave a small sigh, knowing despite my words he wouldn't hear anything.

It was still equally as silent, with the exception of a few murmurs coming from the boys, who were outside of the room, waiting.

"If you don't make it out, Jake, I want you to know that I love you. You told me not to, but I still did anyways." I gave a large sigh, lifting my head from the side of his bed, and staring at his pale face.

He didn't move an inch, at all. Just the same position, same expression.

I stood up, leaning over him slightly and caressing his forehead, moving his hair out of his face. Caught up in the moment, I skimmed my fingers over his facial features, my fingers went over his nose bridge, his cheekbones, jaw.

The overwhelming feeling of emptiness came back to me. Damn, if only in an alternate universe, you and I were just normal people, living normal lives.

I gave a sigh, placing a gentle kiss on his lips as I sat back down and stared at his painless face. The door slid open, and the guys came in, silent.

I really hated this silence, I hated how everywhere I went now, it was just silent.

Sunghoon stood beside him on the other side, the guys crowded around him, just staring down and trying to give a smile.

"Come on man, who's going to be our husband now? You're gonna let Niki cook for us?" Sunghoon managed to throw a joke, that actually helped lighten the mood a slight bit.

"Yeah forreal, you want me to ruin your kitchen?" Niki didn't even argue back at Sunghoon, just went with it.

I had a faint smile on my lips, the guys were so sweet, too sweet even, aside from their mafia antics, they're really good people.

Another round of silence passed.

"Heal up nicely Jake, we're all waiting for you. Don't make us wait too long, cause you might come back to a demolished house." Jay pat his shoulder gently as I stood up, heading out of the room, the guys following behind.

And the silence proceeded all throughout the ride home too, I hate this, I hate this feeling more than anything now. I would have rather it been me, or Jaewook for this sake, it could've of been anyone, but it just had to be Jake.

The world is clearly making it obvious that it does not like me.

I made it home, and I didn't feel hungry, nor thirsty, nor anything really. Instead, I just made my way to my room, but one of the guys stopped me.

"Hikari, you want something to eat?" Jay inquired nicely, I turned to look at him, giving a frail smile and shaking my head.

"No, I'm fine." I reassured him, but he just sighed, looking at me.

"Jake wouldn't want you to be like this." He brought in Jake, and that made me turn around again, stopping me from heading up to my room.

"I'm simply not hungry." I chuckled, appreciating his effort.

"At least have something small, come on, we're all eating together, join us." Jay had some hope shimmer in his eyes, and I suppose it made me feel a lot less emptier inside.

I decided to join them in the meal, and surprisingly, it was a very good idea. The topic was not on Jake at all, instead, the guys were talking about random, completely bizarre things.

I appreciated the way they tried to always shift the topic, and tried to always take their mind off the current circumstances.

Not to mention, the food was pretty good too.

After the meal, we sat down, talking casually, and for a moment, I managed to even forget about Jake completely, and the fact he was all alone in the hospital.

But as soon as I went back up to my room, the guilt and emptiness came right back at me.