The Way I Loved You

A Time Of Healing

It felt like the world had come to a standstill when those words left her lips. The words he'd been dying to hear for the longest time, the words he knew she held in her heart but had gone unspoken. Beyond the reassurance that he was right about her feelings, there was the relief of knowing that Eunsung was no longer a threat, and that they could love each other as much as they wished without putting the other in danger.

A tsunami of emotions crashed over him. The overwhelming relief that she was awake and okay, his immeasurable gratitude for her sacrifice, and most of all, his unwavering love for her. He stood there teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown, watching her through tears as she gazed upon him lovingly with the tiniest hint of amused exasperation.

"I love you. I've loved you from the moment we met until now." She paused, averting her eyes in shame. "I'm sorry that I left you all alone with my family. I think a part of me already knew that you wanted a divorce."

Forcing a smile, she tried to be lighthearted as she said it, wanting to alleviate the guilt that weighed heavily on his shoulders. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel guilty once more for bringing up the divorce. Being able to say all of this after being desperate to do so as her consciousness faded away was liberating. It felt like the rubber band around her chest had finally snapped, allowing her to breathe freely.

Hyunwoo's lips trembled as he fought back tears. There was that pain again. No matter how many times he was reminded of the divorce, it still hurt him as much as the first time when he'd seen the look on her face. No matter how Haein tried to convince him that it was okay, he could never be convinced because how could he ever forgive himself for hurting her like that? It was the most horrible thing he'd ever done in his life.

He hated the way that she was still blaming herself even after all this time. How many times had she sat alone in her room thinking over and over about all the things she could have possibly done wrong? It wasn't her fault. The way she was so self deprecating all the time, a contrast against her proud CEO image made his stomach churn with guilt. Yet at the same time, he felt a deep sense of relief because now he would have the opportunity to make it up to her and prove to her that she had done nothing wrong.

"You put up with us for so long. So... it's okay. Don't feel bad."

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her forgiveness at all. What had he done right in this lifetime to deserve a wife so forgiving? Contrary to what he'd thought a few months ago, she had the biggest heart of anyone he'd ever met.

Unable to respond without bursting into tears, he simply walked over and sat down beside her, staring at her as if she would somehow feel his sincerity through his gaze.

"What are you doing?"

"If I don't say these things before I die, you'll never know how I really feel. I'm telling you this now since I don't know when I'll die."

That was their tragic reality now. They had so much to say to each other, so many things they wanted to do to make up for lost time, yet they might never get the chance to. Seeing her pale and weak on the hospital bed, her voice hoarse and frail, nothing like the biting tone that used to haunt him even in his dreams, the constant reminder that she might leave him soon hung over his head like a shroud.

Wanting to remind himself that she was still here, that he should treasure her existence while he still could, he grabbed her hand, wanting to hold on to her for as long as he could.

"Last night, I prayed more than I had done in my entire life. I said I'd do nothing, but cry every day, drink a ton of alcohol, sleep on the street, and live recklessly if you died." His voice cracked with grief as he spoke, choking up as he tried to complete his sentence.