Mazzaroth - The Only Thing I Have Left Of You

6th September, 1988

Mazzaroth, do you know what I particularly can't stand, apart from insects that won't leave you alone while trying to enjoy a moment in the open air?

People who forget important facts.

And do you know who won the forgetfulness tournament?

Watari.

I seem to be taking it out on his old age, but I'm not doing so in this case. However, if he continues at this rate and it becomes habitual, I think I will have to attribute the cause of these forgetfulnesses to his fifty-five years unless he does it on purpose.

The reason for my rough start is that he brought a little boy called L here to my orphanage.

And it really is L, as I am writing it because he confirmed it later when asked how he spelt his alias.

"Like the letter," he had replied, showing an L with his fingers.

L for loser, so to speak.

You could tell me that I shouldn't refer to someone that way when I didn't even get a chance to interact with him.

I refused to do so, mostly. Ayla tried to drag me into the main room, but I managed to resist and go to any other room where there was no L, and it was complicated because he seemed to be, albeit impossible, everywhere.

However, 'you should know him before you judge him' applies to anyone but him. Moreover, if we really want to follow that rule, you cannot judge my opinion either, when you know neither the motive nor that creature.

It is important that you, now, listen to me because, at the end of all that I am going to write, you must be on my side since I have imagined you as a friend who understands me and comprehends the reason for my actions, without me having to explicitly state it for my own safety.

This stranger is part of some kind of project, guided by himself because he is 'a genius'. Details were not shared in-depth, as they are reserved for those who are part of it, but even those exposed in a public way were difficult for me to follow because that kid was just staring at me and distracting me.

I don't know why he decided to designate me as the target of his disturbing stare, but I couldn't make him stop.

It bothered me so much, and just the thought of it makes me unnerved at this very moment.

The project in itself is even noble: it's about having a group of people interested in justice who are being trained to be able to apply it in the future.

However, it is no big deal. Strange that it comes from me, but if that is the reason for its existence, it does not mean it is effective. It seems destined to fail because the future is unpredictable.

How many people will be interested in it ten years from now? How many people are going to continue on that path when they learn how many obstacles they will face? How many people will survive to be able to grasp that job with just their fingertips?

Nobody knows, and the last question may sound extreme, but you have to consider every possibility.

It seems fair to let you know that I was not chosen, but my consideration of the project would not have changed if I had been part of it.

I do not want to be part of it, as I already have a goal: becoming a journalist. Being part of such a group would hinder what I would actually like to do.

Ayla and Rae were picked, and they accepted. It was definitely a surprise. I did not think they were passionate about it. I'm not saying they don't want justice, but they never hinted at the possibility of taking on such a role. Ayla has always been interested in chemistry and Rae in architecture, so it's something about their character that I wasn't aware of until last night.