Mazzaroth - The Only Thing I Have Left Of You

14th September, 1988

It has been more than a week since I started talking to you, Mazzaroth. I have skipped two days, but I must say that I have been more consistent than I imagined.

However, the prospect of writing more or less every day for months to come is not appealing at all. I don't have a lot of things to say that have any substance to them – particularly, now that the loser is gone, I don't even have an exciting story about his future downfall. All I have are often just vague thoughts that appear for a few minutes and are quickly replaced by others.

I don't even have anything concrete to report, as I don't get much done. Telling you about my folders, which I intend to turn my full attention back to, would be tedious. In addition, I spend hours looking for books to read and then spend many more hours immersing myself in reading, as if the world did not exist or as if I had stopped being a part of it for a while.

The idea is not bad, because it would mean abandoning even this suffocating feeling that has decided to return from its holiday, that continues to devour every ounce of my motivation to do something actually useful for me, my future or those around me.

It would, though, mean not even taking any responsibility for my own actions, and that is not right, even though I am already doing that to some extent.

I do not intend to continue writing about the matter, even if I happen to mention it, but I do not want to find myself giving too many details about what happened and allow someone to find out my true identity.

The newspapers at that time did not mention my surname or my mere presence. I'm not even sure if they left the national walls, but I recall that Watari did everything he could to prevent anyone from publicly mentioning my existence. The month I spent together with him, in that flat, was not only out of obligation imposed by a third party, but also out of a duty he assumed towards me.

A duty that faded with the passage of time, but which was the driving force behind his actions in the beginning. Now, I have had definitive confirmation that he has forgotten all about it.

I told you about how I became friends with Rae and, consequently, with Ayla, but I have never told you anything in depth about Watari. On the 4th of September I wrote that you would come to know who he is, but I'm not sure I painted the full picture.

It may seem that I hate him, but it is more complicated than that.

Surely, you would have realised that he is the owner of the orphanage, but his way of doing things is not like the stereotypical one you would expect from a person in his position. As already mentioned, his persona is based on moralistic and social values.

Open parenthesis. This is a recent change in his career, as he is primarily an inventor, but I have never found it extremely relevant, which was confirmed by his attitude towards that little boy. Inventors have to be shrewd, but he wasn't. Parenthesis closed.

Because of his past and present, he is an extremely involved individual in any matter concerning the place, region and country he is in – in this case, Littleton, Winchester, Great Britain.

It should come as no surprise, therefore, that he has many contacts, of all types and calibres. For this reason, he rarely leaves the facility to personally venture out in search of child prodigies. There are other orphanages founded by him on the territory of the United Kingdom, but he does not administer them himself; hence, he has no reason to go there unless he actually needs to, when his presence is requested.

He leaves the Wammy's House for other reasons, concerning his past works, inventions, finance, and so on. I think it is safe to call him a 'man with a busy schedule'. That's why Roger is around.