Mazzaroth - The Only Thing I Have Left Of You

31st October, 1988

I think I underestimated the amount of information Elioenai has on me. I don't mean to say that he has discovered my past and surpassed L in this aspect, but, although he doesn't hide it, he is aware of various habits of mine, which are not easily remembered by people who shouldn't need them, which means he has an ulterior motive.

I am not sure what it is, unless L has decided to use him and his notebook to 'win'. It still seems surreal that he still considers it a competition, but he does, even if he moves slowly. Both of us are taking our time, actually. I guess in his case it's the fact that he can't just focus on my issue and it's hard to find out where I'm coming from without being able to ask for information from someone like Watari or get it from my file.

Only I can offer him an indication that can guide him somewhere. I had thought about giving him false information, but if I were to talk casually about my hypothetical past, he would realise that I am lying. I can't even tie it to what I said to Ayla and Rae, because he wouldn't know, and we always try to avoid making such references when in the presence of others. I can pretend that I don't see him standing next to us and say something, but if I react, he'll think it's not true, because if it was, I'd avoid drawing attention to it, but if I don't react, he'll think I'm trying to trick him.

So, whatever case may come my way, providing him with a lead is out of the question. Moreover, now that he has that haircut, he avoids leaving his room and, therefore, I cannot have him around. Generally, that's good, because I don't have to interact with him so often anymore, but it also ruins my plans, as well as his.

Ayla has created this period of truce, which I don't even know if I like. On the one hand, finally some peace of mind and I no longer feel like he's about to appear behind me every second. On the other, what is he doing? Is he working on the project? And how?

I need to know what's going on in its early stages if I want to succeed in demolishing its base as soon as Rae and Ayla get what they want. If I am not aware of this essential information, as it holds over its entire structure, I will have to rely on poorly thought-out strategies, created on the spot, in perhaps moments of panic. I cannot afford that.

However, this is not the day to focus on that. Today is Halloween. I shouldn't even be here to write. I told Ayla I had to go to the bathroom and enough minutes passed. I will update you on the matter once I understand what Elioenai is trying to get from me.

Reluctantly, I closed the diary and hid it under Ayla's mattress. I put my costume back on and, after waiting a few seconds to see if L would come out of his room, because I thought I heard movement coming from there, even though it was probably the pigeon he was still looking after, I went downstairs, taking care not to touch the handrail so that the black and orange paper decorations attached to the inner side wouldn't come off.

I passed by Watari, who was watching two gentlemen place a banner, which read 'Halloween 1988', on the railing of the platform that connected the two flights of stairs.

The party had not yet started: the last decorations were missing, and the others still had to change. Ayla and I had been ready since that morning. We had come down with our costumes by nine o'clock, even though we knew it always started around half past five in the afternoon. I didn't mind, even if it meant not being able to have a real conversation. I wanted to stay in the part as much as possible; therefore, I had to limit myself to simple movements with my head in order to communicate with her.

I had to admit, though, that this condition of voluntary silence allowed me not to have to worry about saying anything. I could walk away from uncomfortable conversations, although I hadn't had many since Lex had started avoiding me, and have a valid justification for doing so. Ghosts did not follow the rules of humans and limited themselves to frightening noises, which I could use if they persisted in speaking to me.