Mazzaroth - The Only Thing I Have Left Of You

29th September, 1988

I forgot to mention what I found in the library. I assumed that putting it between the pages of the diary would explain it, but in who knows how many years, I will pick up this notebook and find myself thinking about what it means.

Honestly, I don't have much information about it, as I haven't yet faced L on the matter. I decided to take them one by one, and this one appears to be the least urgent. I'm concentrating on trying to talk to Watari so I can be present in Ayla's life the way I should, and she deserves, because I don't want to lose her.

At the moment, this plastic-coated card is a declaration of war and the letter on its back is the seal. The warlike character should already put me on the battlefield, ready to strike the most appropriate strategic blows so that I can gain ground and win. However, I am not ready and not recognising the fact that I have found it allows me enough time to sort out all the other aspects of my life, so that I can act without interference.

In any case, it confirms my theory: he tried to trick me, and this was all his plan to get me to find the card. The question is, then, what was written on the paper he wanted to give me to prove to me that he was in the right place? Unfortunately, though, as I don't know where the binder is, I find it difficult to get an answer and I have no clues to hold onto to start my search until I talk to L about this. It might just be this simple phrase – better luck next time –, which he wanted to use in front of me, so he could see my reaction.

As much as I damned it, I realise that this is the best scenario. I don't know how I would have reacted if I had him in front of me, but I assume nothing socially acceptable. However, on the other hand, if I had acted the way I imagine, I wouldn't have even been in this situation, because I would have gotten L off my back and I would have made sure he didn't get close to Ayla, so that I could continue to be her friend.

I don't actually know if Ayla considers him her friend, because I haven't asked her, but it wouldn't surprise me. It would only bother me.

The real problem with this whole situation, though, is that I appear to be predictable. I don't think I am, but somehow, L managed to foresee that I was going to check out that shelf in the library. At this point, I would hazard a guess that, knowing this, he hid in the bathroom until he heard me come up and put on that pathetic scene where he got scared to check if I was actually headed to the library. He didn't wait to see if I was really heading there, but it doesn't matter.

The point is that he has an advantage over me. I observed him enough in the first few days to understand the way he acted, but since he returned, he seems like a different person in the way he talks and behaves. And I did not take into account that he might have a wider field of action than Wammy's House, which irritates me. Now, I have to imagine a thousand scenarios and areas in which he might be involved, such as the thousand contraptions indicating the invasion of his room, which, perhaps, do not even exist.

I can't stand it, but I'm not going to back down. No matter the difficulty, it is a battle I intend to win. I am not going to take part in his stupid and immoral challenge about researching the other's past. I simply intend to make his project fail on the public birth when he reveals himself to the outside world as L. I will make sure that he does not have a career, but in any field, not just investigative. In the meantime, I will make sure he keeps his promises to Rae and Ayla.

I will prove ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ that I have been right about him all this time, which will be quite long, because I still can't get a moment to talk to Watari.

Two days ago, when I got my courage up, he wasn't even around. I had to interact with Roger, who told me he was absent and would tell him I was looking for him.