Camila's POV
May 23, 2023
We are back to the same thing. He doesn't talk to me. I feel like I'm five hundred miles away from him even though he's sitting across the small room.... It was partly my fault. I admit it but I also don't want to say anything and turn this into a bigger fight..... How stupid of me.
My migraine is getting worse since we came to his apartment, the one we shared a long time ago, hearing all the noise of New York through the open windows.
We were supposed to have a good time around here... but now he's leaving me for work.
"Really, Shawn? I came here for you, nothing else. You told me this was going to be like our little vacation or some shit." That's what I said, not totally yelling but very angry, giving in to the power of my crazy emotions. And our egos go back to fighting in silence, not wanting to agree with each other.
Why does it have to be so hard, what karma are we paying for that we are doing so terribly in this life? I wish the earth would swallow me up.
I glare at him as he paces back and forth only to end up slumped on the couch, sighing tiredly and slowly raising his sweet honey eyes to mine. I blink, trembling, suddenly feeling the need to cry.
Why, why am I so afraid he'll say the words I don't want to hear? I should be prepared for it if it happens anyway. I can get out of this too, whatever we're trying to do, at any second... right?
- Listen, Camila... I'm sorry, okay? - He says, scratching his jaw absently, as if he's not sure why he's apologizing.
- You told me that...
- I know. - He whispers, approaching me step by step. When he's in front of me, holding my hand, I relax a little and enjoy his warm touch on my skin. - It was a last-minute thing, Mila. I thought I could go to the meeting at the studio just for this morning, finish some unfinished business while I'm physically here in town, and then... be free for the rest of our trip, without any other distractions, huh?
- But did you know that beforehand or...?
- It was a last-minute thing. - He repeats, looking at me intently, pleading with his beady eyes for me to understand.
A job is a job, I guess. Besides, he seems happy making new music, I can't be mad about that.
- You'll take me to lunch when you're done. - I say, feignedly grumpy, earning a string of kisses on my face all the way down to my neck. I'm feeling hot. Too bad he's leaving....
- Okay, I promise, do you have something in mind?
- I just want you with me, the rest doesn't matter. - I whisper, tangling my fingers in his curls.
- I'll be back soon, baby. - Shawn kisses me, biting my bottom lip so hard I gasp, wanting even more... but then he pulls away from me.
I watch him walk out the door, waving goodbye and listen to his footsteps run down the stairs until I no longer hear anything, just the loud beating of my heart in my own ears.
I'm fine, we're fine.
Don't be afraid, Camila.
I go to sleep, or try to, before taking a long shower, surprised to see my now dyed hair still spilling some black dye onto the tiles, so I entertain myself cleaning up afterwards, playing music on Shawn's speakers to dissolve my anxious thoughts about us, about how guilty I feel sometimes, like I'm doing something wrong and shouldn't be here in the first place. I started this, why did he take me back?
YOU ARE READING
Traces Of The Past - (Shawmila, The Story) Vol. III
Fanfiction"I don't have the slightest damn idea what will happen from now on.... What I can be sure of is that I will always be by your side when you need me. You can always count on me as a friend. I promise you that." - Shawn. Recovered from the time capsul...
