Traces Of The Past - (Shawmila, The Story) Vol. III

May.26.23/The Breaking Point 2.0

(A/N: The last few chapters have been so C,XOXO coded that this one here is much more intense having listened to the album in its entirety, so... yeah. We already know how this shit ends....

Creds. to the B.O.A.T stars-byshawmila ❤️ Thankful for your creative mind and support always!)

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Shawn's POV

May 26, 2023

My heart beats so fast as well as my chest constricts, complicating my breathing, and it's not for a good reason. Lately it seems like there are no good reasons....

"I'm sorry, but I think I have to go now," she said, kissing me on the cheek after carefully carrying our dirty dishes into the kitchen, too soon because we didn't even get to dessert.

"Is something wrong?", I asked, and she shook her head, smiling but avoiding eye contact, and then I was one hundred percent sure it was a lie.

That whole wild, frantic session we had was a big red flag as soon as she walked in the door, and I should have stopped her, but I didn't. And I bet she's regretting it too just like me.

Now I'm trying not to collapse to the floor thinking about everything we've been through in the last few weeks, and the last few years to be fair.

I'm not... ready to say what I know is the truth, what we should do... because I don't want to break her heart again, I'd rather die first.... I keep looking for a way to solve this problem, but if we couldn't back then, why should this be the right time? It never seems to be the right time and that sucks, because... why did this damn fate fall on both of us, why?

We are doing everything wrong. We can't go on like this... We just can't. Already all the positivity and faith I tried to make this work is completely gone. I have no more to give, like I told her... and it's destroying me even worse than the first time I walked away.

- I will always love you, my little sunflower... - I whisper, staring at her profile picture in our open chat, so quiet at 6 in the morning because I haven't been able to sleep at all. Not with her away from me.

I hate every single part of this. How and when will it end? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? This suffering is just too much.

Camila: ~ Why are you online so early, Mendes? ~

Her message takes me by surprise and I almost drop my phone, drooling like an idiot, which I am. I'm such an idiot when it comes to her. Always making bad decisions. I'm never going to learn. And I'm never going to get over her either, no matter what anyone who thinks they have an opinion on this says. It's just not easy when she's been the best thing that ever happened to me, despite the obstacles.

I hope she knows that, though it wouldn't make any difference because we're a mess together. I can see that now.

Camila: ~ Hello, hello, are you there? ~

I don't know why I have the feeling I should turn off the phone.

I'm between a rock and a hard place because if I respond and then something bad comes along... or if I don't, ignoring her, she's going to get mad and hate me so.... Anyway, neither option is good for me, so I have to take a chance.

Me: ~ Hello, Mila. I was just thinking about you... ;) ~

Honesty is the way to go, I guess. It's just... I wish we were both at a good place to get rid of this fucking thing that's crushing my heart.