"I don't have the slightest damn idea what will happen from now on.... What I can be sure of is that I will always be by your side when you need me. You can always count on me as a friend. I promise you that." - Shawn.
Recovered from the time capsul...
I just needed their approvals to escape from each and every soul in this room to hide in the hall bathroom for a moment before showing up on the Met Gala carpet, because... damn it, I'm fucking anxious!
Why did I agree to come here? Why did I put on these stupid nails that won't even let me clench my fists with the rage I feel growing to the surface? Why do I want to see my ex if he's... my ex? It's been months, what's wrong with me, my God? Why won't you let me forget him?!
- Camila... - For a second, I mistook Dimitri's voice for Shawn's, when it's totally ridiculous to even think about it.
Is he going to be here, anyway? Is he going to talk to me if we get the chance to meet face to face again? Are people going to ask me more questions about us when I don't even want to talk about that shit with my best friends? Are we going to be photographed so I can then obsess over pictures alone in my room while I eat extra sweet cookies until I want to puke? I know I shouldn't be powering that habit in this state of mind, but... my personal life is really going downhill every minute since he's been gone...
- Camila! - The banging on the door drives me crazy, and I sadly ruin Dimitri's hard work by destroying my hairstyle.
My flower headdress falls to the floor and I pick it up before taking deep breaths, one after another, until I no longer feel like crying. I open the door slowly and see Dim through the crack, looking worried.
- Just say the words and we can go home, C. - He whispers, guessing a little at what's going through my mind.
- I'm not leaving, okay? - I smile, struggling to have a shred of positive emotion in me.
I beg him with a look to say no more, unless he wants me to ignite into an uncontrollable burning rage. He pats my back gently, guiding me into the room where he quickly fixes my hair before gathering the rest of his things, and I distract myself by posing for a few cameras detailing my entire outfit.
- You look very beautiful, mijita. - Papá says when mamá puts him on the phone.
- Thank you. - I fake a smile for him, who looks at me through the screen with no idea that I'm suffering for love... yet. As always.
- Have a good time, okay?
- I'll do my best, guys. - I shrug my shoulders. I take a sip from my already cold cup of tea and hand it back to mamá right away, feeling terrible.
- Everything's going to be great, don't worry. - She whispers, leaving a sweet kiss on my cheek that makes everything seem great, as she just said.
But all that brief peace disappears the instant I step out on my way to the elevators and run into an obviously lost redhead, who would otherwise have lifted me up in his arms, spinning me in circles, making me dizzy and making me laugh just the same.
Today... I just want the world to disappear. If he's here, then... That puts an end to any doubts I had.
- Mila! You look as amazing as ever, how are you? - He comes up to me politely, with his big boyish grin, and I can't help but reciprocate his little bear hug with some excitement.
- I'm very very well, my friend. And you? How is Meg?
- Oh, she's absolutely fine. Working at her little company and so.... - He tries to chat, pausing for a moment to say hello to my mother as well, who lets us have our little reunion.
- Well... give her my love and good wishes, will you?
- Yes, of course. - His big smile is hard not to imitate, and I end up giving him another hug, as if it's the last one I'll ever give him. - Well... I hope you have a great time tonight. You're certainly going to mesmerize everyone out there, girl. - He winks at me with his usual flirtatiousness and I swear I'm blushing underneath this makeup.
- Take care, Brian. - I say goodbye, watching him wave his hands at me before taking one of the elevators heading up.
That didn't take too long, but it left me completely devastated as I stepped into my own elevator, wishing it would go up and not down to the hotel lobby. My heart, which was numb before this encounter, starts beating faster before I face the paparazzi and photographers paid for this event. I put on my best face, trying to remember to have fun while I can, because later... I bet I'll cry another round of tears, no matter how hard I've tried to put up my walls during this painful period.
I climb into the parked Van with a few other artists, who I don't feel are really there, clearly remembering the last time I wasn't alone in this, and fucking missing that company now. Holding the hands of the assistants to help me get safely to the carpet instead of holding his depresses my soul.
I was too attached to the protection and care he showed me every time, and now I have none of that. Why didn't I stay home? Why am I making myself suffer like this?
Because life goes on, Camila.
What was so clear becomes a blur to my eyes, and not because of the camera flashes and chandeliers hanging around the place, but because of my dizzy head. I do what I have to do, putting my meager acting skills to use, stepping back right after giving interviews to isolate myself in a corner with some acquaintances, almost hiding on purpose in case I can see him walking the carpet as well. And hell yes I did.
I stare at him in rapt silence, opening my eyes wide to absorb as much of his magical presence as I can. I mean... he looks so fine, like a prince stolen from a fairy tale... He's not my man anymore, I shouldn't act like this, but I can't help it. He was mine once, that's all I can use as an excuse to keep looking at him, smiling as happy as I haven't seen him in a long time.
I fear this will be the last time my heart will leap with excitement when he crosses my path.
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