Besides Zac calling me for some shit my little self getaway to New York was amazing and exactly what I needed. I started my day with prayer, some daily devotions, meditation and journaling. I've been very intentional in putting in the work to heal myself. I'm on this journey of self discovery, finding Fatima 2.0. When I finished journaling I got into the shower, did my morning routine and made my way to the kitchen. I've been craving chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and cream on the side with some guava nectar. After I finished eating breakfast I cleaned the dishes and made sure everything was in place around the house because I knew Zac was bringing the kids home since it's my week.
I also think I'm in a better headspace to have a conversation with Zac and I truly hope that he would hear me out instead of jumping to conclusions and shit. Once I was satisfied with everything in the house I went back into the kitchen to bake some triple chocolate brownies for my babies and I made some blueberry cheesecake because I knew how much Zac loves it. Listen I know he and I are in a weird place right now but I'm always gonna feed my man. I started with my cheesecake first and once that was done I started my brownies. As I was taking it out of the oven my door bell rang. Perfect timing Zac and the kids were here.
"My babies" I said as I hugged them both and gave them both kisses on their cheeks.
"Did you have a good time with daddy?" I asked.
"The best time ever!" Micah answered.
"I'm so happy baby. How about you and Zar go to the playroom mommy wants to talk to daddy for a minute. I'll call you when the brownies are cooled down" I said and they ran off to their playroom.
"So I'm not gonna get a kiss" Zac asked me making me smile.
"No but you can get a hug" I replied. "Look I wane talk to you, that's if you have time to spare"
"Come on Ti you know I always have time for you what's up? Isit cool if I sit?" he asked.
"Yeah have a seat, do you want anything to drink?" I asked, my horny ass wants to take this man upstairs so he can fuck me in ever position possible but I also know I had to stand on business.
"Narh I'm cool so what's up?" He asked bringing me out of my dirty thoughts
"So I've started therapy and I'm really just committed to working on myself. I know I asked you to do couples therapy with me. Are you still willing to do that?" I asked him
"Will it bring my wife back to me" he asked
"Possibly" I answered truthfully
"Then yes I'm open to having couple's therapy with you. Baby I promise I will try everything I can to make this work. You are the love of my life." He said.
"Before you blow up about what I'm about to say next I need you to hear me out okay" I said while playing with my fingers nervously
"Okay I'm listening" he replied
"I want a divorce" I said he interrupted me before I could continue
"Yo what the fuck then what's the use of us going to therapy?" He said
"You promised to hear me out Zac please." I said at the brink of tears.
"Look I want a divorce, but I'm not giving up on us. I have to work on myself and I think we need to work on our relationship. This marriage comes with a lot of trauma and rejection. When we got married you didn't want me initially but you fell in love with me after you got to know me. You didn't choose me. And then this whole Karen shit that's apart of our marriage too. We don't listen to one another and we don't communicate well. We tend to sweep shit under the rug which usually leads to massive blow ups. We use sex so we don't have to deal with our real issues. We have three kids to think about so we can't move the way we did or even are right now. I want us to be better for those two inside and for the one on the way. Baby I love you and I don't wane look back in 5 years and hate you" I said with tears streaming down my face.
