Cold love {teacherxstudent, wlw}

Part 51

It's been a month.

A very painful month without Ben and Valentina, I feel numb, I don't feel anything, the only thing that keeps me going are my grades.

The only time I feel something is when my fathers hand lands on me, or when I make eye contact with Valentina.

After all this time after all this pain and she is still able to bring out emotions in me when my whole body is numb, I need her so much.

I miss her scent, her taste, her kisses, her hugs I miss everything about her, this past month has been lonelier than ever.

It's almost the middle of April, school is still not over for 2 months, a part of me wants me to be done with it so much, but right now? My heart would break if I could never talk to Ben or Valentina ever again.

Harvard acceptance will be out soon if I don't get in- I can't even think about it, I didn't just lose everything and not get into my dream school- our- dream school.

The bell rings from History and as always I start leaving the class with others, I told Valentina what I need from her, if she is not willing to work and figure herself out it would make no sense for us to spark up anything again.

I walk through the hallway when Ethan comes up next to me, Ethan is the only one who actually talked to me this whole month, I'm really thankful for him.

"Hey Dani" he says hugging me "Hey Ethan, everything okay?" I ask him.

"So much more than okay, Ben agreed to a date tonight" he says excitedly, I smile "I'm so happy for you" I say when I know I should be saying this to Ben instead.

"And it's all thanks to you, you know how he didn't wanna give in the beginning but I stayed and it was worth it, he is warming up to me again, and this time I won't dissapoint" he jumps up a little.

"How is Ben anyway, everything okay with him?" I ask Ethan knowing I don't have any information about Ben.

"Yeah he is okay, he misses you tho, I can see it on him" he tells me "You guys should talk" Ethan says.

"He hates me Ethan, he doesn't wanna talk" I say.

"Who said I don't?" I hear a voice from behind its Ben, I look up at him.

"You do?" I ask.

"Yes, I think we avoided each other for long enough" he smiles at me, I smile back.

"Okay, so I will head out, see you later Dani" he says "And see you later babe" he says before pressing a kiss to Ben's cheek.

Ben blushes and I smile, they are adorable.

"Can we go somewhere?" he asks me, I nod "Sure" I respond.

We drive to our spot which is next to a lake, we get out of the car and walk to the lake.

We sit down by the water, I don't say anything, I already apologized hundred of times and I wasn't the only one saying things.

"I'm sorry Dani" Ben breaks the silence, I don't say anything "I shouldn't have said the things I said, it wasn't-" he stops "it was really fucking messed up" he apologizes.

"Yes it was" I say he looks at me his eyes widen "I said I was sorry Ben, I fucked up in that situation, I should have told you and I didn't and I'm really sorry, but I think if you take the time you can see where I was coming from" I say.

"This last month, it was hell Ben, like literal hell" I emphasize "Yeah for me too" he says.

"No, because you had Ethan, he was there he was fighting for you" I say.

"Yeah and you had Valenti-" he looks at me his face softens, tears gather in my eyes "No I didn't" I tell him.

"Because turns out you were right, she doesn't-" I starts a tear interrupts me "I wish I could say she doesn't feel the same, maybe she does maybe she doesn't, but that's not my biggest problem with us" I say.

"What happened?" he asks me genuinenly "She kissed her friend" I say wiping another tear away.

Ben moves closer and puts an arm around me, I lean into his touch letting more tears spill, he doesn't say anything he just holds me.

"I love her Ben" I tell him "I love her so much and I miss her like crazy, I swear to god I wake up because of my nightmares overnight think about the fact I don't have her anymore and I go into full panic mode" I say "The funny things is I never even had her" I laugh.

"Yes you did, you still do Dani" he says "You know I was torn up about finding out what happened between the two of you, the way she looks at you during class when you are not looking" he says.

"I think she is feeling the same way you are feeling, it's just- she has a harder time accepting everything" he says "But I can tell for sure that she wants you as much as you want her and this between you, it affects her as much as it affects you" he says, I look at him.

"And I'm so sorry for ever saying the things I said, I was so mad and in love and I didn't think, whatever I said Dani its not true, it could never be true when someone looks at you like Valentina looks at you" he says.

"Please forgive me, you don't have to all the sudden but I swear I will never hurt you like that again and I swear I will spend everyday making up to you, I just can't lose you, you are my best friend" he says.

I nod tears still in my eyes, I hug him "I forgive you if you forgive me" he laughs against me "Of course" we laugh.

"So tell me about you and Ethan again? What is it about this date I hear about?" I ask him.

"Oh my God he was just so perfect, one month ago he came over and when I didn't let him in he basically confessed his love under my window, he said he will be there waiting for me because I'm worth it" he says "He kept his promise, he was always there and I still love him of course I do, so I gave in after a month, okay maybe it was 2 weeks before we slept together again-" I hit him playfully "Ben!" I laugh.

"What? I couldn't actually wait till our first official date, I would have gone crazy" he jokes, I smile.

"Also he mentioned after one of our -sessions lets call it that- that you were the birdie who tipped him off on how to get me back" he hugs me again "Thank you Dani" he thanks me, I smile "Of course" I tell him.

"We will get Valentina back to you" he says, "We won't do anything, I gave Valentina a really clear option, she can have me back but she has to think about things, she didn't live with that choice" I say.

"So what? You'll start moving on?" he asks, my heart clenches at the thought "How can you move on from someone who you still want as much as when you were together?" I ask him.

He shrugs "Don't ask me, I tried and failed" he says simply, I nod.

"I missed you Ben" I say before hugging him again.

He hugs me back "I missed you too Dani" he smiles into me.

Right now at least one thing feels right in my life, although there is still a huge void in me named Valentina.