SPITFIRE (Book #2 Of Fire Series)

LII

They say hair carries memories.
So surely then, if I rid myself of it, I'll forget.

If it has never been a mangled, near matted mess, then today is the day it has become one.
I love my hair. I love the curls and coils. I love the deep brown colour.
Today is different, though.
Today it reminds me of all the times I'd been weak, when I'd been fragile.

My reflection stares back at me, just as displeased with me as the world seems to be lately. The glint of the haircutting sheers in my right hand taunts me, but only vaguely. My main taunter, and also my main salvation, is sleeping on the bed behind me. It's been a few hours since we arrived back at the Fischer manor. We opted for a flight rather than drive the full eleven hours.

I'm tired, Silver is definitely very vocal about being tired, Jayden is definitely tired considering he's been asleep for the four hours since we got him, so we all decided to fly.

On the call with Uncle Jim earlier, he mentioned he'd arrive by suppertime with his husband and his daughter.

I take in a deep breath before I lift the sheers up and pull my hair aiming to start the process of cutting it.

I can't.

I had promised that Jayden would help me cut it shorter. I can't take that back, and he knows how important my hair is to me.

It feels allegorical of my dependency, that I should allow Jayden to take the sorrows away. Maybe I should take this into my own hands, for once.

Maybe this time, I'm the knight and the damsel in distress. I need to save myself, and not wait for Jayden to do it.

Before I'm able to lift my hand again, I hear him groaning and stirring slightly. I jolt up dropping the scissors and rushing to his side as he stirs awake.

I watch him for a while as his eyes slowly flutter open. His eyelashes are still as long as ever, gracing his cheeks with tiny shadows. His freckles are even less visible though, and his skin is a tinge yellower than I remember, his eyes more sunken. There are dark circles around his eyes and the blush from his lips has faded significantly.

What have they done to you, Jay?

My breath hitches as his eyes open fully and they lock on mine.

"Nandi," he asks groggily, still trying to blink the fatigue away.

"Hi, baby," I whimper as I reach for his face and softly graze my thumb over his now slightly hollowed cheek.

"Baby," he grits as he tries to move closer, but shouts in frustration when he realises he can't.
"Come closer, baby, please, fuck I need to feel you."

"I'm here," I murmur as I draw closer and place a few pecks on his forehead and cheeks.
"It's okay, try to relax and take it easy."

"I missed you," he quietly cries as I hold him to my body, his forehead against mine.
"I love you, Nandi. I missed you so much."

"I missed you baby," I whimper as I kiss his tear stained cheeks.
"I love you."

I lean away slightly and look at him. He looks broken. Like something was stolen, that might never be retrieved again.
Suzanne took a piece of him and she thinks she was doing him a favour.

"I'm so sorry," I cry as I reach up and caress his cheek slowly.

"Come here," he begs as he looks down at my lips and then back up at my eyes with his bloodshot ones.
"Let me kiss you."

"Jay," I frown, still weighed heavily by guilt and concern.

I'm not like Suzanne.
I remind myself.
I didn't take from him without his permission.