Burning for her

Chapter 20

Clara

I think Abigail knew about Christopher. She didn't say a word, but the investigation already started, the police questioned the dancer's of the studio and she was acting strange lately. Not like, 'I think she is cheating on me strange', just strange. I caught her from time to time lost in her thoughts. And she was going to the church more frequently.

I had no idea that this would mean so much to her, that the news would crash her this bad. Still, there was not an inch of guilt inside me, just a weird feeling of not understanding what was going on inside Abbie's head.

It was three days later, when I was sitting in my car outside the church, waiting for her to come out. Her brows were frowned and there was not a smile on her face when she spotted my car and this... this made me anxious as fuck.

"Hi." She hopped inside next to me, shutting the door after her harshly. I stopped myself before saying anything about the force she closed the door.

"Hello." I smiled softly, searching her eyes, trying to find out what was going on.

"What?" She frowned in confusion.

"You tell me." I didn't start the car right away.

She stared in my eyes silently, softly chewing on her bottom lip. For a second I was sure she was going to talk, but she turned around, looking out of the window and shrugged.

I was determined to change the subject, to say something else, to take her home and clear her thoughts, but... But I couldn't turn the keys, I wanted to talk this out, find out what she knew, what she didn't know. If she found anything out about my part in this... tragedy... she would act much differently.

"Talk to me." I tried to hide the nervousness in my tone, sounding as calm as I could.

Abbie licked her lips, shaking her head a little, not turning to me, staring out of the window.

"Abigail." My tone was harder now, more demanding, her attention instantly on me. That's it, my love. "Talk to me." I repeated.

"My dancing coach died."

So she knew. Obviously. I just didn't know how much she knew or how she felt about it. "I'm very sorry to hear that." Actually, no.

"My dancing coach died and I don't feel anything." Her blue eyes met mine.

"Does it bother you? That you don't feel anything" I asked.

"What bothers me is that I feel worse about not feeling a single drop of sadness than the actual death." Her tone was harsher than usual, more like the few times we fought before.

"Everyone copes differently with grief." I whispered.

"I don't feel grief." She played with the end of her dress. "I'm relieved."

"So his death is a good thing." You're welcome by the way.

"How can I think that? How can I be such a bad person that I feel positive about someone's death?" I swear I could see her lips tremble a little.

"You are so far from being a bad person, Abigail." She was a literal sunshine.

"It doesn't feel like it." She broke eye contact.

"Abbie." I took her hand, tangling our fingers together. "You are a good person. Believe me, I know bad people and you are not one of them. You can't punish yourself for the way you feel."

"But-"

"No but." I shook my head, lifting her hand up, placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand. It was a reflex, I didn't think it through but as it seemed Abbie neither, because she didn't pull away.