Burning for her

Chapter 40

Abigail

I subconsciously reached to the other side of the bed, wanting to wrap myself in Clara's warmth. My eyes opened slowly, when I felt the cold sheets abandoned on her side. I needed time to get used to the dark, my eyes trying to make out the absence of Clara.

I pushed myself up, confused, looking around in the room. I couldn't control my racing heart, my mind trying to wrap around the fact that Clara was not laying next to me.

My heart settled a little, when I spotted her phone on the nightstand. She wouldn't leave without her phone. I grabbed my white robe, wrapping it around my body as I walked out into the empty living room.

My eyes jumped to the person standing outside in the cold air, frowning while I tied a knot on my robe. I pushed the door open to the side, clearing my throat before speaking.

"It's 2:30 in the morning." I walked up to Clara, wrapping my arms around her from the back. Her clothes were cold against my heated skin, the fresh air causing goosebumps to appear on my body.

"I know." Her palm slid across my crossed hands on her front.

"Why are you up?" I asked, even though I could guess the answer.

"I can't do it." She whispered.

My whole body froze. Except my heart. My heart was pounding against my ribs painfully fast. I expected her to be mad at me when she would find out about my plan. I wanted to be the one to tell her though. And I knew she was right, putting her in a situation like this was not fair. It was cruel. But I wasn't thinking, I was trying to survive.

"What?"

Clara turned around in my arms, taking a step back until she was leaning against the edge of the balcony. The look on her face, the silence between us cut through my heart. I expected her to do all the things she already did. I expected her to make a scene, to yell, to throw things. But the pain her eyes reflected was not something I was ready for. Too vulnerable, too much not like Clara.

"I thought I was fine with talking about this later." She whispered, her voice calm. "But I'm not. I can't watch you marry someone else, Abigail." Her knuckles turned white from how hard she was holding onto the edge of the balcony. "But you made your choice."

"It's not a choice." My throat was dry, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. "I'm just trying to please everyone. I'm trying to survive."

Surprisingly Clara scoffed. "Survive? Marrying a man would help you survive?" Her lips pressed into a thin line.

"I know it is hard to understand." I took a step forward, closing the distance between us. "But you don't know how hard it is to live under my mother's expectations. She planned my life ahead way before I was born and she wouldn't let me make my own choices. When I first started dancing she wasn't talking to me for months." The ball in my throat tightened. "So for peace I have to smile through every stupid date she sets me up with. And I'm tired of lying and pretending ,Clara." I reached out for her hand.

"And marrying him would not be a lie?" She didn't pull away, but I could feel her body flex.

"It's one lie. I have to pretend for a day. And he is down for it too. It's temporary." It wouldn't be a real marriage. It would be an act we play whenever it benefits us.

"Temporary?" She yanked her hand out of my grip. "You really think I can watch you walk down the aisle? You are mine and you want me to watch you pretend to be his."

I knew how bad it sounded. But I was desperate, trying to find a way to keep my identity safe while keeping my girlfriend.

"I know-"