lunch, caitlin clark

24 | recovery

unedited and long af

We have another game today and it's against Nebraska. Caitlin is actually so excited for it and not for the reasons you're thinking. You're thinking it's because she wants to play basketball, win or maybe see fans.

No.

It's because the theme for the night is 'Taylor Swift Day'. Which is funny to me because it's got all the girls more hype than the actual game.

Cait said she's going to write a 13 on my hand which is fine with me if it makes her happy.

This has been the healthiest relationship I've ever had. Caitlin just makes me so happy and I don't know how I handled my life before her.

I'm feeling better but am still a little sick. I don't know why honestly. I haven't puked in a few days so I think I'll be okay on that end. Which is great because getting sick is one of my least favorite things ever.

We do what we seem to be doing a lot of this past week. Lay down in bed and just watch tv. Don't get me wrong, we do what we need to do in practices but after that I'm checked out. The bruises on my back are finally all gone and don't hurt anymore.

Neither does my head but who needs to be able to look around all the time?

"Cait do you think we lost because of me?" I avoid her eyes while I ask. "I mean with me going out so early and hard maybe I distracted everyone."

It had been on my mind all week and I didn't bring it up earlier because I didn't want to ruin her birthday. Everyone played such a great game and I can't help but think that maybe if I was in the whole time we might have been more of a team and pulled through with a win.

The fear of being the cause of failure is really weighing on me. I tried to talk to Paige about it but we couldn't find a good time to call and I didn't want to freak her out. Like, Caitlin left the apartment for maybe two hours and I gave myself a panic attack and went down a spiral. That stuff weighs you down.

"No." That's all she says for a while and I can tell she's picking her words. "I think that we didn't play hard enough. Even when we came out of half it wouldn't have mattered. Our chemistry was off and there's nothing that would have changed it. Not even your amazing skill."

She's too nice to me I swear. And I can never tell if she's ever being honest with me because she's my girlfriend. There are movements when she's supposed to lie to me. But she's also my teammate so I guess I trust that she would tell me the reality.

"Thank you. That's been bugging me all week. I'm just so afraid that I'm not playing up to everyone's standards here."

"Well Willow. Let me tell you something." She gets this really sassy tone and snaps her left finger and holds it up. Please imagine that. "Right now on the season you're leading the league in three things. Well four if we want to get technical."

"Okay but you're about to pass me in one of them so don't count it."

She rolls her eyes and holds four fingers up even though I told her not to.

"First up we have you getting 9.2 assists per game. I hope you realize how impressive that is."

"Cait you're the second in that category so let's not act like that. There's like .3 difference. You're going to beat me in that by the end of the season too." That's what the world wants her to do anyways.

"Shut up. I'm trying to tell my girlfriend how good she is at the sport we both play."

I act like I'm zipping my lips and hand her the key. She smiles at me and I motion for her to continue.