lunch, caitlin clark

15 | willow has a bad practice

at practice | a week later | scrimmaging

Caitlin and I have been kind of skirting around eachother lately. Not for much of a reason it just seemed to work out that way. It's been a week since that initial kiss and we've not spoken about it. it's not that I don't want to, I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable. What if I speak too soon and suddenly she doesn't want me anymore? I'm honestly just super worried that she regrets it all.

We're currently at practice and none of my shots are falling. Even the easy ones that are pretty much a guaranteed for me. I'm starting to get frustrated and we're only ten minutes into practice so that makes it worse. I have absolutely no excuse for why I'm sucking.

It's five on five and my team should be winning but my connection is so off that I don't know what the hell In doing anymore. It's stressing me out and that stress is making my shot even worse if that's possible. The team has so much confidence in me that even though I'm 2/8, they're still giving me the ball when I'm open. Which is admittedly pretty sweet and kind but I'm not the right girl to go to if they want to win. Even though they're kind it's pissing me off because I miss almost every shot I take.

This isn't even me being dramatic but I haven't ever missed as much as right now. Not even in jr high. Which I guess is an unfair comparison because I played high school ball in junior high.

"Come on Walter's! You've got to get those in. During a game we rely on you!" Coach yells that at me and it makes me even more frustrated. Coach has a point but there's got to be a better way to convey that. You shouldn't just rely on one person when there are five people on a court. It's like coaches suddenly forget that it is a team sport and not just entirely on one or two players. Convenient really. When you do that you start to not play the game of basketball. Kate passes me the ball when she steals it and I air ball it. I fucking airball it.

Who even does that nowadays? Not me that's for fucking sure. Well not usually I guess. Today I do.

"I need a time out coach." We all go to our respective spots for a time and I'm about to angry cry. It's a real problem. I just really don't get what's wrong with me right now. Sure I'm always a little tense but this is a whole different level. Like someone get me some help.

Caitlin isn't on my team but she keeps glancing at me from her huddle. I know she wants to win so I bet shes happy that I'm in this rut. Except I also know that she wouldn't ever be happy that I'm upset. If I'm actually going to give her credit then she actually probably wants to come over and help me. Too bad so sad babe.

"Guys I don't know what's wrong with me." Kate is a captain at heart and I can tell she wants to say something to help me. I've noticed that she loves to help people in my time here. And I really haven't been here all that long. It's sweet.

"Listen here, Willow. You're a crazy good player. That being said, the only way you fail is because of yourself. You're putting so much pressure on yourself right now. So you miss a few shots? It quite literally happens to everyone." The other three girls all nod their heads and try and hype me up. "And I know that the world would be happy with you even if you didn't make almost 80% of your shots. You're crazy awesome either way. Your defense is unmatched so get out of your head please." She's nodding her head aggressively with her hands on her hips. Kate didn't break eye contact with me the whole time and I know it's to reinforce her opinion.

She's right. I'm in my head right now because I selfishly thought that the team needed all my shots to go in. Everyone else shoots too don't they? And they make shots too so why do I put so much pressure on myself. When they miss I don't act like it's the end of the world so I don't know why I'm playing the victim act right now. We're a team.