all those rage, and i'm still here?

thirty - one

"The silence,
The deafening silence."

I am the silence,
The deafening silence
One that is unnoticeable and unprecedented,
One that is heard yet never listened
My voice drowns in the sea of clamor.
Through strong, confident characters
Of unwavering individualism
And once, just once, I talked.
Showing my strengths with a wide smile,
I was met with hatred, gossip, and anger.
A subtle tone to never do it again
And so I backed down, bruised.
And I was pushed down to depravity.
Falling into the pit of self-pity,
I feared the crowd.
Remaining in the shadows
I stood in the darkness.
Not once willing to disturb the light that shone from them.
I shielded my eyes from the luminosity.
And with unreachable, futile dreams
I wondered if I could ever be
Yet I'd only wither in timidity.
As I could not withstand the voices of prejudice,
Nor the strict approach to toughening a character,
I hid from the judging eyes.
Which is called society?
I covered myself in the blanket of flaws I considered.
Intensely gripping the cloth with immense panic,
And I found myself invisible.
I was bossed around, tossed around, pushed around,
A doormat due to anxiety
If only I had an inch of assertiveness.
I could be a terrifying monster.
Of a sharp tongue,
And a powerful, commanding presence
I could have been a forceful boulder of boldness.
Nor a spitting image of courage,
Not one of passivity.
Yet not once had I been given so
And it is all only my delusions,
I found myself wallowing in self-pity.
I am the silence,
The deafening silence.
I scream through the agony of my defect.
My voice was a whisper lost in the void.
I burn myself in the scorching heat of desire.
To be able to express
To be able to talk.
To transform my silence into screams,
I call upon my power.
I reclaim my own power.
And I will never cease.
Not until my soul is heard.