all those rage, and i'm still here?

three

"The Devil Blames,
and that Devil is Me."

I'm at this point in my life where,
I could say my life is in chaos
I can manage to compromise the progress
Into momentary pleasure,
And discipline,
Into lack of motivation
Or perhaps it is my lack of motivation
That keeps me stuck on this part
And I cannot fathom how this might happen
On how I let this happen
Perhaps I must be some sort of control freak,
Yet ironically I struggle to take control the most
As I treaded the pieces,
I stumbled upon realizing
How must I judge myself harshly,
But must I forgot others existed
And realized I have been adjusting,
Into how they were working
I was forced into peer pressure
Because, it might be, that I was too scared
Too scared of being too much in control
And so I stayed in the moment,
And hated myself in the process
Because...
How must I let that happen?
And on the shelter they call home
Emotional outbursts are always heard
From the walls, from the windows, from every corner
I could only cover my ears
And I admit, that yes
I was affected, and maybe that's because I let them affect me
I could only work at night,
Where there is silence and darkness
Would not bother to hurt me
I was merely comfortable there,
Yet I wanted to change that
And I have always asked myself why,
Why must it be so difficult to change?
Suddenly I treaded and treaded the pieces
And I have stumbled into this one, little piece,
Telling me,
It's not you, it's them
And you may only change,
Only if you stop letting them affect you,
Only if you stop letting them hurt you,
And only if you stop letting them change you.