all those rage, and i'm still here?

thirty - two

"Doubt, Distraught, Destroy."




An innocent child of wonders,
Peeked into the world
With love so deep in her eyes
She's mesmerizing and so beautiful.

As if sunshine blossomed upon her innocent heart,
And as she bloomed beautifully like a butterfly,
She stepped into the world,
Stomped upon the ground of doubt
Oh, what must this child do?

She cried at the terrifying sight.
They looked like monsters she'd seen in books.
Those piercing glares and judging eyes,
What had happened to the gentle words and welcoming smiles?

A small mistake she'd made, she recalled,
And now they all point their fingers to ostracize
The child trembled in fear.
She bawled her eyes out and hugged herself.

A mirror she faced, and she figured
Certainly no one's at fault other than this cursed reflection, must it be?
Now she's cried at the dreadful sight of herself.
Not quite understanding how pitiful she must be.

She often thought that the world could see the love in her eyes.
Yet she remained an unpolished gem of dislike.
Hugging herself amid the danger
Promising she'd never show up in the spotlight

Now she's remained in the dark.
Hidden, timid, and terrified
This life has been lonelier than it has ever been.
Everything seemed gray.

And nothing matches the variety of colors she's once seen.
And her eyes matched those of the dead.
She covered all the curtains to shield herself.
From the light, from the mirrors—from everything that reminds her of who she is.

She's now dimmed her light so others can shine.
So no one could see or talk.
She's absorbed all the hate they had.
And she forced it into herself.

She's looking more like a corpse each day,
Wishing she'd become one if she may,
She's hidden in the darkness.
And it had been solace.

Little did she know,
All that hatred could seep away.
And wander into the world.
One day she accidentally gazed in front of a mirror.

She's discovered this,
And she was too late.
She was shocked and frightened.
She pondered how she'd turn this way.

The most pathetic version of herself
Bleeding through the pieces of fragments,
It sunk further into her skin.
She was pierced by her brokenness.
At that moment, it was as if a hammer had hit her head.
And she's recalled the past she ran away from.

Doubt—she's never doubtful.
Not of anyone, not of herself.
She hadn't been born doubtful—she was made doubtful.
By the gentle smiles that stabbed two times deeper than those who were upfront with their envy.

Distraught—she's brought that distraught on herself.
She was too weak, too accepting, and too naïve.
She was a doormat made for those who were cunning.
Who's made their insecurities a hostility toward others?
She's lived up to the pain they were supposed to heal.
And she wounded herself in the process.

Certainly, it was her fault.
Shall she be braver?
She could have seen through the sly grins.
And she could have saved herself.

Now that she's too wounded,
It was too late for her to recognize herself.
There were no traces of that innocent child.
There was no love in her eyes.

All it shows is the intense pain.
And the only thing she desired was nothing more than vengeance.
She screamed through the monster she had created.
Trembling as tears streamed down her cheeks,

If only she could go back in time,
If only she could reset everything,
The anger seeped through her eyes.
Asking to be let go.
She did not want to listen; she truly did not.

Yet it was rather too loud and became even louder each time.
They had shaken her body,
They had gotten tired.
They begged to be let go.
All that to ask one thing—
To destroy.