all those rage, and i'm still here?

nineteen

"Echoes of trauma."

Being built on trauma,
I carry invisible wounds,
That others say was never there
I cover scars with hostility,
And apathy to hide my emotionality
I had to turn my heart into pale white,
And listen to my brain who knows what's right.
I knew I once saw the world in colors,
Now everything's nothing but plain grey
I was once full of brightness and vibrancy,
Yet was taken away.
"Toughen up." They say,
And so I did.
Now that I'm devoid of emotion,
I've become soulless with no ambitions
The world was tiring and exhausting each day,
How every step I take for greatness
And I wondered how I would be,
If I had been built with much resilience
How better had I been,
If not only for my fragile sensitivity
If I had not been built on trauma,
Who could I be?
If my brightness and vibrancy haven't been crushed,
If my smiles and aspirations haven't faded,
Who could I be?
If I hadn't been prickled,
By the needles of issues and unconscious trauma
People had to hide from themselves.
Because, to be honest,
I missed that part of myself,
The innocence and love,
Mercilessly crushed into pieces
Yet I never once asked to feel this dead,
I had just been unlucky
Too unlucky to carry all this trauma within me.