Only yours

Farewell

Usagi headed straight for the guest room and the door slammed loudly behind her. What had possessed me? Why had I let myself in for this meal?

I desperately needed a distraction and so I disappeared upstairs to my office. Damage limitation was at least a start. I called up the documents relating to the hotel chain in Europe and looked at the list of complaints, which seemed to go on and on. Then I started writing a few e-mails to the hotel managers, announcing Kunzite's arrival and that the construction work would be completed immediately by the current company. That was all I could do in this case. Before I could do more, I needed Kunzite's reports on how bad the situation on site really was.

My next route took me to the kitchen, and my eyes landed on Mr. Tanaka's small casket. I dropped it into a basket on the worktop, which already contained a bottle of wine. Yes, I could use that now. A nice white wine to finish off this unsuccessful day.

I grabbed the basket and went out onto the terrace, my gaze lingering on Usagi's room. The curtains were drawn and I debated with myself whether I should go up to her or not. In the end, I decided against it, sat down with my back to her room and filled my glass while I stared up at the clear night sky.

Suddenly I heard her door burst open, but I remained motionless. It was her turn to walk towards me, after all, she had decided against me. In fact, her footsteps echoed towards me and shortly afterwards her hand nestled against my shoulder from behind.
"Can I sit down?" she asked quietly and I nodded. Again, she was sending such different signals. What else did she want from me now? I pulled another glass out of the basket, filled it and pushed it over to Usagi. We sat next to each other in silence and drank the wine.

I couldn't help it. I had to bring up the subject again. I really had to be sure that I had lost.

"So the singer..." I said, trying to sound calm and indifferent. She shouldn't blame herself for her decision. If I was honest with myself, we wouldn't have had any prospects anyway. But I needed this closure.
Usagi lowered her eyes to the ground. "Yes," she whispered softly.
"And what about the other one? With this doctor?" I asked further.
Usagi tensed up immediately; I seemed to have hit a sore spot. "Mamoru has another girl and he's going to be a father..." she said curtly, and I could hear her voice trembling a little. I hadn't expected that. They seemed so familiar with each other in the hospital.
"Hmm..." was all I could think of.

I realized again that tomorrow she would say goodbye to me forever. So the doctor had left her... and the singer had the main prize. I just hoped he appreciated her too. If he hurt her, he would get to know me, because Usagi had truly been through enough.

I sensed that she hadn't told me everything. There was still something between us and my feeling told me that it had to do with what Kaori had told her.

In my mind, I went through our strange kind of relationship again, the first one I'd ever had and definitely the last. I never wanted to feel that aching feeling again. That burning tug inside me, like I was tearing apart, was worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. As soon as Usagi left Davao, I would go back to my old life. Women would once again only serve to satisfy me and I was sure that I would not make the mistakes I had made a second time.

Once again, the black box gleamed in my eyes. I had to draw a clear line under this matter. Even if it didn't happen often, I had lost and I would have to accept that now. I slowly leaned forward and clasped the box in my hand. It didn't actually weigh more than a few grams, but at the moment it weighed tons between my fingers. I felt Usagi's gaze on me as I walked towards the railing, the open sea lay before me and I could hear the waves breaking beneath me. I looked at the little box one last time, then I reached out and threw it as far as I could into the sea. My heart would be mine forever and I would never give it away to anyone again.