Only yours

Guilt

Her head rested on my chest, and I had been awake for quite a while, but I didn't dare move, fearing I might wake her. After the events of yesterday, she needed to regain some strength. It would be hard enough for her once she realized everything. She slowly stirred and ran her hand from my stomach upward.

Suddenly, she bolted upright. So much for peace. I opened my eyes, and she looked at me, shocked.

"What is going on? Why am I with you? Why am I naked? And what about Seiya?" she blurted out. She seemed to not remember everything that had happened last night.

I sighed and sat up. "I had to warm you up, and the best way to do that is with body heat. You were completely hypothermic when I finally found you yesterday."

The images of her lying motionless in the rain flashed back, and I knew exactly how lucky she had been. I noticed she was trying to remember.

"Seiya..." she whispered softly.

I knew I had to tell her, even if it would plunge her into a deep pit again. I couldn't sugarcoat it. The singer was dead, murdered by my brother. But how could I tell her in the best possible way?

Stressed, I ran my hand through my hair and searched for the right words. "Saphir shot him... Haruka managed to finally catch Saphir. He can't harm you anymore, never again," I said calmly.

I consciously avoided the word "dead," but Usagi seemed to finally understand. Panicking, she jumped out of bed and tore open the closet door where her clothes were stored. She was trembling all over and could barely take out any clothes.

I swung out of bed as well and stood behind her. I placed my hand on her shoulder and turned her so she would look at me. Her eyes were filled with tears.

She held my gaze for a while, then suddenly began beating her fists against my chest. She had to express her pain. I could understand that all too well.

"You're to blame! You're responsible for everything! It's your fault he's not here anymore! If I had never met you, Seiya would still be alive!" she shouted repeatedly.

Her words hit me like a stab to the heart. I knew she probably didn't mean it and that emotions were boiling over in her right now, but it was still hurtful. All the efforts of the past months to catch Saphir seemed to have been in vain.

I warded off her next blows and grabbed her wrists. Her tears streamed down her cheeks in torrents, and she trembled so violently that I thought she might collapse again. So I pulled her petite body closer to me. Without any protest, she let herself be embraced, and slowly she calmed down. The sobbing subsided, and her breathing normalized.

"Have you calmed down?" I asked quietly as she looked into my eyes again. A timid nod was her answer, and I loosened my grip a bit.

"Then go take a shower. I'll have breakfast prepared in the meantime," I said firmly, expecting some resistance. It wouldn't be Usagi if she did what I told her.

"I'm not hungry," she replied weakly. Her usually bright eyes looked almost empty. Even if she wasn't hungry, she had to eat something. Her body needed strength, and the next few days would be exhausting. I couldn't keep an eye on her all the time, as I had a lot to do now, especially keeping the press at bay.

"Usagi, no more arguments. Go shower and then eat something. Otherwise, you'll be lying on the floor again. I can't have that now," I grumbled at her impatiently. I had no desire for further discussions.

To my surprise, she nodded. I led her to the bathroom and laid out towels for her. It seemed like she was only marginally aware of everything. Next, I went to the closet and picked out a black sweater and black pants for her. I was sure she would choose mourning clothes. She didn't even seem to notice when I re-entered the bathroom and placed the clothes inside. Her eyes were closed, and the warm water was streaming down on her. I watched her for a moment to make sure she was okay.

Then I ordered breakfast from the kitchen and poured myself a coffee. For Usagi, I prepared an overly sweet latte macchiato, just as she had made it the last few times. It was beyond me how someone could ruin coffee like that, but tastes differed.

To pass the time, I started checking my emails on my phone. As expected, my inbox was overflowing. Those damn reporters had their noses in everything.

> Take care to keep the press quiet. Both about the singer and about Saphir. Nothing must go public. Pay if necessary. <, send to Massaru.

I briefly flipped through the daily newspaper. Fortunately, there was no mention of the events from the night before. Then the bathroom door opened. Usagi looked terrible. She sat down at the table without a word and stared at her plate. Her eyes were swollen, and fresh tears were already welling up. It tore me apart to see her like this, knowing that I was to blame for her suffering. Because I had broken my rules, all this had happened. She was right in what she had said. It was my fault, and if she had never met me, much of this would have been spared her.

I handed her a tissue.

"Usagi, you need to eat something. Your body needs energy," I said quietly, trying to sound conciliatory. She took a dry piece of toast and chewed on it for what felt like an eternity. Occasionally, she looked over at me but still said nothing.

"I'm going home," she whispered after finishing her toast.

"Massaru will drive you. He's waiting downstairs."

It was indeed convenient that Massaru lived in the ground-floor apartment. That way, he was always available. I wouldn't entrust Usagi to anyone else but him and Haruka. Even though Saphir had been caught, there were still many crazy people like him out there.

Usagi stood up but almost collapsed as she tried to walk past the table. She barely managed to grab the back of a chair at the last moment. I jumped up and wanted to rush to her, but she stopped me with a gesture.

"I'm fine, thanks. I can find my way downstairs," was the last thing she said. She was struggling to maintain her composure; I could see that. Then the door closed behind her.

I remained in the room, alone with my thoughts and the unbearable silence. It was a nightmare I couldn't simply shake off. The events of the previous night had changed everything, and I couldn't shirk the responsibility. The words Usagi had thrown at me still burned inside. I was to blame. Even if I hadn't pulled the trigger, I bore at least partial guilt. It was my brother who had shot her friend. And all because I had dared to fall in love with her.