Didn't We Almost Have It All? | method man

Chapter 41

Jaida sniffled and whimpered as she held her lifeless baby in her hands, scanning every little detail. "She was the perfect mix," she said softly, stealing a glance at Mef before looking back down at their tiny girl.
Mef stood beside her, stiff and heavy-hearted. He knew there wasn't much chance of survival at just nineteen weeks, but he still held onto a flicker of hope.

"You want to hold her?" Jaida asked shakily, meeting his eyes. Mef felt a rush of panic; he wanted to say no, but deep down, he realized this was it—the first and last time he'd ever get to hold their baby. With a gentle hand, Jaida passed the baby to him, and he stared in awe, carefully examining her features. The infant's hair hadn't developed, her skin was pink and sticky and jelly like to the touch. She was so tiny that he was scared he might crush her if he wasn't careful. Her legs were curled up, and her little hand rested by her head—she looked like a sweet little angel. For a moment, he couldn't help but smile, seeing how much she resembled their oldest when he was born. The room was quiet except for the sound of the machines monitoring Jaida's heart rate and blood pressure. She looked at Mef with love in her eyes, but sadness washed over her, knowing this was their final moment with the little life they had created together. After wrestling with her doubts about keeping the baby, Jaida had been excited to become a mom, dreaming about all the love she would give and the lessons she would teach. Overall, the pregnancy had been pretty smooth. The baby hadn't given her too much trouble compared to the horror stories she'd heard from other women, and for that, she was grateful. She always felt deep down that this baby was something special.

Mef settled next to Reggie on the couch, cradling the baby in his arms. He gazed at her intently, his hands gently cupping her tiny body in his hands. "you couldn't wait could you?" He chuckled lowly, "you was too eager to come into the world. You wasn't done baking baby." A sniffle escaped him. "I'm sorry for all the mean things you might've heard me say to your momma...cause I know you felt it. I didn't mean to cause you and your momma stress..."

Jaida tuned him out, allowing him to talk privately to the baby. She fixated her eyes on the ceiling as tears streamed down her cheeks. She felt a tidal wave of anger—angry at Mef, angry at God, angry at life itself. The emptiness in her heart was suffocating, spiraling her thoughts into darkness. Why would God allow this to happen? Why allow me get pregnant only to rip everything away? Now everybody's gonna feel bad for me. I'm really not going to be a mom. I refuse to get pregnant and go through this again. Loss was becoming something she was becoming too familiar with and she didn't know how much she could take.

Her delivery had been nothing like she had imagined. Every time she tried to shift her position discomfort pierced through her. Mentally she came to terms that she was going to have to deliver this lifeless baby, she just wanted it to come out already. The nurses had assured her that her body would contract, producing sensations like the urge to push. But that didn't happen. After three long hours of waiting, nothing changed. The nurses informed her that since the baby wasn't coming out, they would have to give her something to make her body contract to get the baby to come out. She hated the thought of having to experience contractions again. It was a persistent stabbing intense feeling that she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. Jaida's chest rose up and down, panicking in preparation of what had to be done. Before she agreed she told the nurses that she had to pee. The nurses asked Mef and Reggie to step out for privacy. He wanted to protest, but reluctantly complied. Three minutes later, a nurse hurried in.

"Um... I think the baby just came out," Jaida said, her voice trembling. The doctor approached the potty-like bowl positioned beneath her, peering inside. "I pushed...felt like I had to pee...but then there was this big plop," she explained, her heart racing.  "Okay," the nurse said gently, getting Jaida ready for what she was about to reveal, "You just delivered your baby. And she's beautiful. Would you like to see her?" Jaida's vision blurred with tears, and she couldn't make out what the nurse was saying; all she could hear were her own screams filling the room. Just then, Mef rushed in with Reggie, worry written on their faces. As soon as he saw Jaida holding the baby and crying, his heart sank.  He let out a loud groan, hitting the wall with his hand while Reggie tried hug him and calm him down.