A Twisted Life (sequel to Give Me Life, an O2L fanfic)

I'm Messed Up And You're Messed Up But That's Okay

HAIDEN'S POV

Ryan, Spencer, and Brendon stay the night, even tho they rejected my offer many times.  And I'm kinda glad they did because Ryans parents were out all night.

I roll around and grab my phone from the charger. According to the hella bright screen, its on 9:30 am.

We were out there until 5. What the hell, Haiden?

Fuck it, i grab my phone and a walk over to my closet and pull a hoodie from a hanger.  I quickly put it on and stuff my phone in my pocket before going downstairs.  My luck, the one and only Connor Franta is up.

"Hey Connor." I say, walking into the kitchen where he was at.

"H-hey Haiden.  Why are you so early?" He asks me with a weird expression.

"The same could be asked of you.  But the real question is, why the hell is it so cold in here? Like what the fuck?" I say, going to check the thermostat.

"I'm sorry about last night, Connor. I really am. I over-reacted. But its only because i dont want you to leave. No one does.  Even Sam. He lost it last night up on the roof.  God, I'm sorry. I understand that its supposedly for the best, and its what you want to do, but holy hell. I don't know. I'm just sorry." I say, hugging Connor like he was going to disappear forever.

"I'm sorry too. I know how hard this is on everyone.  Hell, its even hard for me.  I mean, I've been with these guys for so long, I've created so many memories.  We've done so much together.  And to think I'm leaving? That's insane." He says, a few tears slipping out.

"Shit. I'm sorry." He says, his hands wiping at his eyes.

"Connor. Stop.  We still have what, two days? Lets make the best of those mornings." I say.

Connor giggles and gets the coffee from the cabinet.

"You realize you can call me or text me whenever you wake up and we could go get coffee together, even if its six in the morning and we are still in our pj's.  I don't care. Hell, id drag jakey along just for the heck of it because you know he is about mornings." Connor says, smiling and grabbing the coffee from the brewer.

I grab two coffee cups and get the necessary items out that we both prefer early in the morning. (That sounds sexual. I'm sorry)

We grab our mugs and walk outside.  We sit on the front lawn and talk for a long time about life and its complications.

Around 1:30, though, i get a text from trevor.

"Hey, um Trevor said he wants to talk to me, so I'm going to go see whats wrong." I tell Connor, taking the cups in.

"Ok. In gonna take a shower. I hope everything goes well." He says and walks upstairs.

I walk up to the roof, because that's the only place me and trevor ever really engage in somewhat deep conversation.

"Hey Trevy. You ok?" I ask, sitting beside him.

"I don't know. I'm messed up. You're messed up. The world is messed up. Everything is messed up.  I feel messed up, kinda like...I'm not sure.  My head is messed up, but that's life right?" He pauses and looks at me before looking away again.

"I just want to feel okay again, to be normal, without all the medication. I want it to be gone. Because i want to feel things without it; love, anger, sadness, happiness, something. But without the medicine.  I want to be normal. I want to feel normal. But i can't. I'm drowning in my thoughts. In stuck and i can't get out. But that's life? And society..society is so fucked.  I want to be normal on my own, but according to society, I'm nowhere near normal without the pills."

He gets quiet for a minute so i speak up. "Yeah. Society has us all fucked, tricked into thinking that we are all secretly the same, when in reality, no one is the same. We are all different, but we are all a little messed up, too, but that's okay bec-"  He cuts me off.

"No. Its okay.  The medication, its supposed to help me, to make me normal. But really, i feel so numb.  I want to feel agai.  I want a normal life with a normal family with a normal job with normal priorities.  I want to be human. I want to feel human, because there's something in my head screaming, just screaming 'You know what human is, but you're far from it.' And it fucking sucks."  He lays back, and its only now that i realize how alone he's felt, how different, how judged. And i didn't notice anything.

Before i had the chance to speak, which was likely not to be much because of the shock I'm in, he gets up and walks back inside.

I go to look for him and he is in the kitchen, getting ready to take his medicine.

"Don't." I say.

"What?" Trevor says, clearly shocked.

"Don't take them.  They clearly make you feel nothing.  Don't take them. Its nit going to hurt anything, really." I say, walking over to him and taking the pills from him and throwing them away.

"Be normal. Be human. And try as you might, but do you really want to fit in to society's standard of so called 'normalness?'" I ask him.  He looks shocked.

"Go take a shower. You need one." I tell him, giving him a small pat on the back, watching him go.

I READ A FANFIC LAST NIGHT, AND IT GOT ME THINKING. TREVOR SAID PRETTY MUCH WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT TOO.  BUT ANYWAYS...TREVORS ON MEDS, well for now, AND CONNOR IS LEAVING AND HAIDEN HAS NES FRIENDS! I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING! THANKS FOR READING! LOVE YA!

Don't let the static get ya!

Toxic Fighter signing off,

Until next time, my friends