fierce and forgiving:second chances

chapter 39

Anger....Disappointment......Suicide

Evans POV
After the reality check Evi gave me I was determined to talk to Bethany now more than ever,she should be back from school and I found a renewed confidence from within,I knocked but got no answer so I went up the stairs to her room,her door was wide opened and I wasn't expecting the sight in front of me,I don't mean to sound like a jealous boyfriend or anything but the first time I caught them hugging I let it go,this time it wouldn't be that easy,I walked in clearing my throat and they separated

"What are you doing here Evans" she said letting out a nervous laugh

"I should be asking what he's doing here" I said angry

"Calm down man nothing happened" Eddy said

"So you are now insinuating that am blind,really dude just shut it" I said angry

"Heyy I did not wrong here" eddy snapped

"Is he the reason you haven't given me a yes to be my girlfriend" I asked Bethany staring at her but she avoided my gaze

"Do you think he would want you" I said feeling the animal in me growl

"What's that supposed to mean" Beth asked irritated

"Guy calm down,she did nothing wrong,nothing happened I was just helping,I didn't know you guys have a thing,don't say something you would regret" Eddy said and it just fueled my angere

"Stop telling me what to do,butt out okay" I snapped

"What has come over you,if this is who you are I would rather stay away" she asked annoyed

"What?,you should be lucky I like you and that I even want to date you,I mean you were fucking raped,no one wants you,you are just trash,a girl every other guy wants to do,no one gives a fuck about you" I heard myself say then someone's fist colided with my face,it was Eddy,Beth looked pale and stunned,like the bleeding in my nose I realized what I just did and I just wanted to die,I didn't mean any of that,I was so angry I didn't realize what I was saying.
Bethany started crying,I really did it this time

"Am sorry,I didn't mean any of what I said" I said sincerely sorry,taking steps towards her

"Don't" she whispered holding her hands up to stop me,I didn't wanna push it so I did as I was told

"Please leave" she said,she wasn't crying anymore and I just feared what she had in mind,what I had caused,Eddy slipped out probably not wanting to get involved

"Forgive me,am sorry" I said pleading with her

"Leave" she said uneasily

With that he left and as I stepped out she locked the door, staring at the door I felt horrible, I just destroyed every chances we ever had, what have I done

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Bethany's POV
I closed my door,I leaned behind it going down till my butt hit the floor and I started crying quietly,
"He is right,am worthless, am trash,no one wants me" I thought to myself
I didn't recognize Evans, to think u liked him,that I wanted to date him,he didn't even ask why Eddy and I hugged I would have told him my dad was lurking around the house and I felt scared and unsafe then I started panicking, Eddy did what he felt right and am glad he did,but it was too late now,he said what he felt,with that depressing thought I peeled myself from the floor heading to my reading table, I opened my purse and brought out my pocket knife, yea I keep it just in case I find myself in a situation

This should do just fine I thought to myself
I sat on the floor my legs crossed in front of me,I felt numb inside out,I brought my wrist close to me and I examined it,for some odd reasons I saw a patch of red,I took the pocket knife and sliced my wrist open,blood gushed out,I felt weak and dizzy gradually,my eyes started closing on its instinct,I was falling to the floor to what seemed like sleep when my head hit the bed post hard,I felt warm liquid spill from my head before everything went blank,is this how dying feels like,I couldn't say, all I know is that I feel nothing,no pain just nothing and I liked it that way,it felt like I was floating, I had definitely lost touch with reality but have I lost touch with my body,was I dead?

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Evans POV
I went downstairs only to find Eddy there pacing, when he noticed me we had a stare down,he looked really angry

"Really,what the fuck was that about"he said angry

" dude,not now"I snapped

"Did you leave her alone?" He asked trying to calm himself

"Yes,that's what she wanted" I whispered feeling angry and dissapointed with myself

"She would kill herself" he shouted at me darting up the stairs

"What are you talking about" I asked confused following closely behind

"Did you ever wonder why she left camp early" Eddy scolded,I looked confused

"She attempted suicide and thank goodness I was there, that's why she fainted" Eddy explained and I just wanted to kill myself, what have I done I thought

Eddy tried opening her room door but it was locked and I started panicking

"Just to make you feel worse,she saw her dad today and started panicking that's why you saw us hugging twice,I was trying to calm her down,you better than anyone should know she doesn't get well with her dad since she trusted you with the fact that she was raped,I didn't even know till now,what you did was really low"he spat out angry and I wish I could turn back the hands of time,I was really a jerk

" what you said wouldn't help us open her door"I snapped,banging for her to open up, I started freaking out when there was no reply from the other end and am sure Eddy felt the same way

Eddy finally found something to pick the lock with,jamming it open I gasped what have I done
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Am not sure you guys saw that coming but anyways that just seriously happened,Feedbacks are very much appreciated thank you
Love mola
09.07.15