fierce and forgiving:second chances

chapter 41

"Hey baby" my mum said looking at me with happy yet tired eyes,she looks like she has lost a few pounds and her hair is nothing to talk about,in all she looks mess,probably how I look now

"Hi mum,I missed you" I said stretching my harm so I could hug her,though I was limited by wires and all

"Are you sure you can hug,I wouldn't wanna break anything" she said hugging me gently

"Its just a slit wrist and I don't know what's up with my head but its not like I was hit by a train ya know" I said humouring the situation

"Yeah,I know" she said sounding a lot sad

"Its not your fault,you know that right" I said shifting carefully so she could lay down with me

"I can't help but think that it is,every time you need my help am not always there" she vented

"You know you are not God, you can't know everything" I tried comforting her

"Its my job to know everything about you" she countered

"Have I ever told you that your the best mum ever" I said nudging her

"Yea,I try my best" she said smiling small

A comfortable silence encamped in our midst,I was enjoying the presence of my mum with me, its been a while we stayed together and talked or just hung out,I really like the feeling, She was thinking about what mothers think about and I didn't mind, I just wondered when she was gonna voice her thoughts and soon enough she did

"Bethany dear...." She said probably to check if I was already sleeping

"Hmm" I replied

"I think you need to talk to someone" she stated

"Am talking to you,aren't I?" I said making myself believe its not what I think she's referring to

"No silly,like a therapist" mum said

"Do I really have to" I whined realizing she meant what I feared

"Please,for me,I can't go on fearing the worst that could happen to you" she said looking anywhere but me

I felt really bad,I must have caused her a lot of pain with my actions but I couldn't bear to willingly tell someone my secret without been forced or compelled to,then an idea struck me

"I would do therapy if you would too" I stated and she gave me this look

"What exactly are you trying to say" she questioned

"Ever since the incident with Michael I couldn't help but feel guilty like I took a big part of you away,you try to find comfort in work or art but its just but little they can do,so if you want me to go through therapy,you have to do the same" I explained, there was a lot of emotional surges in the room am sure people could feel it from miles

"Am sorry you feel that way honey,sure whatever makes you happy" she stated hugging me

With time she drifted to sleep leaving me to stare outside the window,the night sky was beautiful with the midnight blue colour and a few stars lighten the sky the red and yellow lights of tall buildings or cars zooming buy, you could barely hear anything and I was in one with my thoughts again

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I woke up to the bright rays of sun and my mum beaming as she entered the room

"Looks like Christmas came early for you" I commented trying to sit up

"I wish but have got good news" she replied

"I got us a therapist already" she said waiting for a reaction from me

"That's super fast" was all I could think of saying

"I thought so too,you would have to be home schooled for the rest of senior year, I think its the best thing for you,at least until you are ready" she explained how my life would go for the next few months

There was knock on the door and a woman walked in,I haven't seen her before but my mum seemed to be acquainted with her

"Mrs Jennings,we were just talking about you" my mum said shaking her hands,she is probably my therapist

"Bethany meet Mrs Jennings our therapist,Mrs Jennings my daughter" my mum introduced and I shook her hand,trying to hide my bandaged wrist,I wouldn't want someone judging me without even knowing me

"I would leave you guys to talk" my mum said, kissing my forehead and exiting the room

"You don't have to hide it,everyone has a not so pleasant story" she said pulling the chair towards my self ,sitting on it and placing her bag beside her and I was just quiet

"You don't seem comfortable around me,don't worry whatever we talk about stays between us" she said in an attempt to make me relax

"This whole therapy stuff is my mums idea" I replied her

"You can't really blame her,the thought of loosing an only child isn't all that good especially when she is all you have" she justified my mum

"So how are you today" she asked when I became quiet again

"Honestly I feel stupid,I shouldn't have slit my wrist" I replied

"Then why did you" she asked

"At that time I wasn't reasoning and it felt like the right thing to do and I just wanted the voice in my head to go away" I told her

All of a sudden I felt comfortable talking about my feelings,wanting some clarity to the things I didn't understand

"There are other ways to rid the voices in your head" she told me

"I guess but cutting seemed like the fastest" I told her wanting to say more but I wasn't sure,its not everyday I get someone that actually listens without saying what am supposed to do,she seems to sense this so she remains quiet and gives me encouragung looks

"I want the old me back"I told her

"She never left,she's just buried under layers of hate,resentment and other negative stuffs" she explained

"Do you wanna talk about what triggered everything that seems yo go wrong in your life??" She asked politely and all I could do was stare at the wall behind her
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Hey lovelies thank you for patiently waiting,its been taking a while to build a chapter and am sorry but I hope its worth your wait ,I really really want you guys to comment or criticize, predictions are welcome,don't forget to vote and tell a friend ,thank you
07.09.2015
Love mola