Surviving High School.

chap.82

"I don't want you to get mad but we have guests." Bhuti said as he opened the door. He had come back from work with some take away and I know this because he texted me, telling me not to cook as he would bring food over. "Okay. Let me change then." He shakes his head, fully coming into the room. "No need. You know them." I nod, "oh. Ok. Let's go then." I get off the bed, not bothering to wear my shoes as he said I know the guests. 

We didn't really talk about him having Muzi come over all day last week to keep me company while he went to work, nor did we talk about the whole him massaging me to help soothe the pain I felt. We didn't speak about it and even if I want to, I don't know where to start so...Anyways Bhuti was in front of me as we walked down the stairs because I was holding on to him and focusing on my stepping because my fear is falling down the stairs and going into an early labor.

"Yandi-" My head snaps up and I take a staggering step backwards. "What are you doing here?" I find myself staring at my parents in shock. All the pain that I felt since the beginning of my pregnancy comes back and I feel like I can't breath. "Yandisokuhle breath!" I see Baba coming to hold me tight as I hyperventilate. I want to push him off, I want to scream and shout but it's like my voice is gone and I'm losing my mind. 

I've craved for my father's hugs for so long I forgot what its like to be held by him. All these emotions are coming off strong and my mind running isn't helping me at all. "P-please. G-go." I shake my head and try to step back but the stairs are right behind me, causing me to fall on my ass. Baba lets me go and steps back. he looks like he wants to come closer and comfort me as I'm crying but I don't want that. 

I manage to stop my crying and end up a sniffling mess. I don't want to look at my parents and brother because I'm afraid to burst into tears again. "Wh-hat a-are yo-ou d-oing he-re?" No one answers me so I think about repeating my question. "They've been asking to come around but I didn't want them to-"

"Why now?" Bhuti looks at me and I look away. "How do you mean?" I twiddle my thumbs as I answer my brother's question. "Why did you decide to let them come now?" He doesn't answer for a minute but when he does, it infuriates me. "You're closer to giving birth so I figured you'd need them here for you. I mean, what if-" 

"Oh so you figured! You didn't think to consult with me on this Bhuti?" MaZulu scoffs and I cast my eyes over her . "If you have something to say MaZulu please, speak your mind." She scoffs again and folds her arms. "Where on earth do you get off from thinking you can talk to your oldest brother in such a manner?" I roll my eyes and choose not to answer her question. "Bhuti?" He looks like he feels guilty. "I'm sorry Yandi but-" 

"There is no need for you to apologize to her Ntsikayomuzi. You are the elder and you decided on what's best for her-" 

"Best for me? BEST FOR ME WHERE WHEN YOU MADE MY ENTIRE PREGNANCY A LIVING HELL!" They looked taken aback. "Ntombiyam-" 

"Chaa baba!" I shook my head, standing up from the stairs. "I don't want to deal with this. Bhuti I'm sorry, I can't do this. I am tired." 

"Please stay and listen Ntombiyam-" 

"Baba I've been listening to you. Wena no Ma and all you've said to me are harsh words and actions. You didn't think how it would affect me at all. I understand that you were expressing how you feel but you never, not once, asked me how I feel in all of this. Sure, I messed up but so did you. You guys had Bhut'Ntsika at 17. Just a few months before me and you act like I did the worst thing ever known to mankind. I didn't expect a congratulations or a party but some compassion and understanding. I guess I expected more than you're capable of providing." '

No one spoke after my rant. I sighed and went up to my room to cry my heart out. I don't know why I still expected my parents to open their arms to me when they showed their disinterest from day 1. Someone knocked on the door but they didn't open it an I didn't answer. "Yandi..." It's MaZulu. I kept quiet despite wanting to answer. "I am so sorry my baby. I...I didn't know what to do or how to react. I still don't. Yandisokuhle you are my only girl child Nana. After raising three boy children you came around and things started to change. I've only ever known how to react to your brothers because the always came to us and they are so identical its somewhat creepy."