Mine (Part III) - Nolou/Uglydolls Fanfic

42 | Needs

"That's.. you're joking, right? You just mean that you want to postpone the wedding, right? That's okay. We can postpone it. That's understandable with everything going on-"

Nolan: "No, that's.. that's not what I mean. I mean that.. maybe we shouldn't get married.. at all."

He used his hands and struggled to bring his knees up in front of him. I chuckled and shook my head.

"But why? Why would you say that? Did I do something?"

Nolan: "No, Lou.... I don't want to be a burden to you. I can barely do anything on my own right now. I just wanted to tell you that I would understand if you didn't want to be with me anymore.."

His own words seemed to hurt him. Maybe more than they were hurting me.

"Nolan.. I love you. I'm not going to leave you just because you need more help with things-"

He looked at me and spoke with a soft, but saddened voice.

Nolan: "I know that you love me. That's not what I'm asking. Lou, I could be like this for the rest of my life. I need you to think, realistically about how this will affect us. Okay? That's what I want you to think about."

I watched quietly as he placed some bubbles onto his shoulders to distract himself. 

My heart was hurting. Not literally. But it was the kind of pain that you got after being rejected by someone you really really wanted to be with. That kind of pain.

While he washed himself, I took the time to think. I didn't mind helping him or carrying him when he needed it. Sure, our lives will be different, but I thought that if we loved each other enough that it wouldn't matter.

Eventually, he finished his bath and I helped him change into a t-shirt and shorts. I sat him onto our bed, wanting to continue the  conversation.

"Bunny. I don't mind taking care of you. That's what you do when you love someone. And it's only been a couple days. We'll figure everything out and things will get easier. Okay?"

Nolan: "But you didn't think of everything.."

He adjusted himself and leaned his back against the headboard. I sat next to his legs and rested my hand on them. I rubbed them gently to try and comfort him.

"Of course I did.. Bunny, we don't even know if this is permanent. Even if it is, we can change things. We'll figure out a way you can get up the stairs on your own. We'll put handle bars in the shower-"

Nolan: "And what about sleeping together? Did you think about that?"

"What?"

A tear fell from his eye, but he wiped it right away.

Nolan: "I can't feel anything, Lou. I can't even feel you touching my legs right now.. I can't move at all and there's a big chance that I never will again. I.. I can't please you anymore."

"Oh, Nolan. I'm not worried about that.."

Nolan: "But you should! Are you really okay with being stuck in a sexless marriage?"

I blinked nervously and realized where the conversation was going.  I got up to close the door so no one could hear us. I went back to him and tried to think.

The truth is that there was always more to sex than just the physical pleasure. Being intimate with someone creates a bond and a special kind of intimacy. That sort of vulnerability is one of the crucial aspects of a marriage. Without it, our relationship could change drastically.

I stood next to him but he didn't look at me.

Nolan: "You're a good person, Lou.. I don't want you to get tired of me. I don't want you to change."